I’ve mentioned before that I’m lucky to have access to infant care, infant CPR and other classes via the hospital I will be delivering at so it will be nice to have some hands-on instruction and advice from experts.
But one thing no one can teach you, is how to be a parent. It’s the most challenging role you’ll ever take on in your life—and you can read all the books you want and ask others about their experiences, but at the end of the day, you make decisions (hopefully) based on what’s right for your family.
Some of you were probably fortunate to grow up in great households with wonderful parents who served as fantastic role models for raising your own child—but a lot of us didn’t, and it’s something that I feel really conflicted about. I sometimes ask myself…how can I be a good parent when I didn’t have strong role models in my own?
Now, I don’t want this post to make it sound like I had a horrible childhood. It wasn’t perfect, or even ideal, and at times it was downright tough, but I do have some wonderful memories too. But unconditional love was something I struggled to feel [from my parents] and I cannot fathom making my own child feel that way, even for a second. I won’t get into the specifics, but I have no relationship with my father and my mother and I do have a relationship but it’s certainly not where I’d hope it would be…but it is what it is. No family is perfect of course, but I will fully admit that it makes me a little emotional and even a tad bit envious when I see families that are super close, supportive and loving towards one another—because that’s what everyone deserves. I’m also thankful to be part of a very loving family through my marriage to my husband, which truly made all the difference for me when I moved to Texas.
Early into my adulthood, I made the wise choice to attend therapy sessions that helped me accept and somewhat move on from my past (I say somewhat, because I don’t think I’ll ever truly, fully and completely “move on” but it’s enough that it no longer consumes me). I haven’t gone to therapy in well over a year now because I felt I no longer needed monthly sessions, but with our baby girl due to arrive in just two short months, I must admit that I’ve been flooded with thoughts and emotions about my own childhood.
Realizing I’m about to become a mother—a profound and forever life-changing role— has really stirred up in me something that I’ve always felt very strongly—that I have the power to give my child the love and life I wish upon every child. I have never once doubted my ability to be the parent I want to be—because I don’t believe that our pasts determine our destinies.
It saddens me to think about all of the kids who grew up to be adults and fell victim to their very own circumstance of growing up in an unhealthy family environment. Maybe they didn’t have the strength or support to be better—to be to their children what they wished they would have had in their parents—but breaking that cycle has probably been the largest single priority in my life. Not just an “option” or a “hope”—but an absolute necessity. If I knew I wasn’t capable of breaking it, I honestly wouldn’t even consider bringing a child into this world.
I always knew I wanted to have children—and more than anything, I have always known that I will give my children a life where they feel unconditionally loved, unafraid and completely supported. It is my biggest prayer that God will bless me and guide me on this journey into motherhood because I know it’s normal to doubt yourself along the way and I know turning to Him will be the answer.
I didn’t mean for this post to get so heavy….I started to write it and couldn’t stop and I even debated posting it. But I’m posting it because it’s real and it’s the truth of how I’m feeling. Though it’s fun to talk about nursery updates, baby showers and other exciting things that come with a new baby…I feel like I would be doing myself and my readers a disservice if I never wrote about the stuff that scares and challenges me. Every parent-to-be has fears- whether you had a good childhood or not. If you didn’t have fears, that’s when I would be worried.
What were your fears before you became a parent? How did you overcome them? Please share your advice and experiences in the comments below.
How far along? 30 weeks (I do these a week behind as a recap of the previous week, so I’m actually 31 weeks today). Just 9 more weeks to go!
Total weight gain/loss: I will find out at my 32 week appointment, but I imagine it’s somewhere around 15 lbs. or more by now.
Maternity clothes? Still wearing maternity pants and regular tops and blouses. Some of my non-maternity dresses are too short with my bump…and I learned this week that some of the maternity dresses that were given to me are too short on me (for work). That was disappointing because they are cute, simple dresses and I’d love to be able to wear them. This past weekend I purchased two tank tops from the Liz Lange for Target maternity line. They are SUPER long and soft. I plan to wear them post-baby too. Love them! I also wear a lot of shelf bras now from GAP body because with the rib pain, my regular ones are too uncomfortable.
Stretch marks? Not yet, I’m continuing to use Belli’s Elasticity Belly Oil, Mamma Mio Tummy Rub and Mustela double-action stretch mark cream in rotation.
Symptoms: My rib pain has reached new levels. Though it’s not constant and still only on my left side, it has now spread to the top of my belly. it feels kind of like burning, tenderness and numbness, all rolled into one. It’s an interesting sensation. It hurts mostly after sleeping, sneezing, stretching and standing after sitting in the same position for awhile. I’m also experiencing occasional mild lower back pain and I’ve put a box under my desk to rest my feet on so I’m more comfortable.
I’ve been walking a lot more lately and that has felt really good.
Sleep: I’m sleeping okay. I get up twice a night to pee. I still experience the hip/thigh pain some nights, but I can usually sleep through it until about 6 a.m., after which all bets are off.
Best moment this week: Going to our 4D ultrasound and getting a sneak peek at baby girl’s face. I also had a lot of fun completing a little art project for her nursery over the weekend. You can find that tutorial here.
Have you told family and friends: Yes!
Miss Anything? Coffee. I am looking forward to resuming drinking coffee and green tea. I know you can drink caffeine in moderation during pregnancy but I stopped when I got my positive test so I figured I’ll just wait it out at this point.
Movement: Baby girl is most active in the evening and at night. I do feel her on and off during the day too—still feel kicks but more often than not I feel pushes and waves of movement. She likes to swish around in there!
Food cravings: Still subway…like cannot stop getting Subway for lunch everyday. I have also been loving ice cream (with Oreo) and Reeces Peanut Butter cups (the eggs that are out for Easter right now—YES please!) I also still love a great hamburger with lots of pickles.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Same as last week—not into plain chicken.
Have you started to show yet: Yes! It is pretty obvious these days.
Baby is a: Girl!
Belly Button in or out? Outie and still looks like a deformed cinnamon bun. Mmm…cinnamon buns…add that to my cravings list…
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: My next OB appointment, my baby showers and my friend visiting from Canada! I’m also excited to get the shelves up in the nursery, but it will be a few weeks.
Thank you for reading and for all of my pregnant readers, please feel free to check in below as well and let me know how your pregnancy is going 🙂 I also welcome everyone’s advice and comments about pregnancy!
Michelle @ The Vintage Apple says
Thank you so much for sharing this today. I can relate to your words SO MUCH and I feel so much better knowing there is someone else that feels this way. I am a new mom and find myself turning to Him any time I am in need. I hope one day I can share the words about my story like the beautiful way that you did. You are right…it is fun to post about the nursery and clothes and showers, but sometimes you just have to show the side of you that you are scared of. Thank you again.
xo teresa says
Aw, what a nice post! Both of my parents had pretty lousy childhoods and home lives but they have done an amazing job raising my brothers and I. We're extremely close knit and I always feel loved. If anything, your baby girl may feel even more love because you know the importance of being there for your children!
All the best <3
natasha {schue love} says
Yay for 30 weeks!! You're in the home stretch now! I looooove those tanks for Target…still wear them now. So soft and ultra long. You look fantastic..just glowing!! xo
Cate O says
You look beautiful! I'm about 4 weeks ahead of you in my 2nd pregnancy and wish I looked half as good.
Regarding the more serious stuff, while I had very supportive, kid-centric parents, my husband grew up in a household where his parents were somewhat distant and unsupportive, and on one occasion, even violent. My husband is a wonderful guy, but during my first pregnancy, he was out of town a lot, and generally didn't seem that interested in the baby, so I was a little worried about how he would be as a father.
Fast forward three years and he is the most incredible father – warm, loving, creative, patient, persistent, consistent – basically everything I could have wished for and more. I think also that now that he has his own kid, it's harder for him to understand how someone could *not* give their children unconditional love and support.
Bottom line, I think the environment of the home you're bringing the baby into is far more important than your own experience as a child. Sure, we have our moments of disagreement where he's more strict than I am because that's how it was when he was a kid, but those are the minor things.
Surely bringing a child into a family is a major adjustment – a bigger adjustment than I was prepared for. It places all sorts of strain on a marriage because suddenly, you can't make any decision without affecting everyone else in the family, and there's a lot more struggle over balance of responsibility. It can be a hard adjustment, but eventually it becomes second nature and I think the marital relationship tends to come out much stronger as a result.
Erin says
I think your determination to ensure your daughter is brought up knowing she is unconditionally loved is inspiring!
I also could not stop eating Subway for lunch when I was pregnant, it's so funny you said that- I thought I was just strange!
Olympeip says
What an amazing post!! Thank you for sharing, there is one thing I am really sure of is that you and your husband will be amazing parents.
On a totally materialistic note: you look amazing!!
Thats So Pearl says
You look fantastic! I had a strong aversion to plain chicken throughout my entire pregnancy too. 🙂
To answer your question about becoming a parent, I honeslty didn't put too much thought into it while I was pregnant. I was one of the lucky ones who grew up in a super loving environment and I guess I just assumed/knew my baby would have the same. However, my daughter is about to be 2 now and I find myself thinking about it more lately. One thing that helps is to remember not to compare yourself or your child with others. Every family is different and the decisions you make will be based on what is right for your family.
Elizabeth Martin says
I had the same exact fears that you have before I had our son. Both DH and I come from broken families. I didn't have a great childhood, but DH did. But he doesn't have the best relationship with his father. We both wanted to make sure had the best set of parents. We both looked at the mistakes we thought our parents had made and made sure we tried not to have history repeat itself.
So we read alot of books. Talked to alot of parents. And we found that it all came down to one thing "LOVE." If your child feels loved & support that's what matters. Everything will fall into place. No parent is perfect, but we strive to be the best for our children. I still have fears everyday that I am screwing up our son. But I have put it in God's hands to help me be a parent.
Just trust yourself and your instinct. You will do great Veronika.
Sarah Ring says
I quit coffee for pregnancy and nursing too, feel your pain sister. Now that we are no longer nursing I have resumed coffee and probably have a little too much, need to cut back! Hehe.
I really loved this post. Beautifully written, honest and real. You are absolutely right, not one family is perfect… but your love for your child will be a perfect love. You are already such an incredible mama. It's very evident through your writing that this baby couldn't be more blessed to have you. XO.
Britt @ The Magnolia Pair says
Thanks for opening up with your readers today, Veronika. I can't imagine what your childhood was like, but I will definitely keep you in my prayers during this time. I lost my brother and two nephews back in January so therapy is something I've been throwing around too. I just want to make sure that this happy time isn't masked by any darkness I may feel. Wishing you peace 🙂
And you are looking great, so excited that you are just about a month behind me. Love reading your updates! Take care girl!
Eve says
Hi Veronica. I'm glad you decided to post this. My husband and I are currently trying to get pregnant with our first baby and I would love to have 4 kids! But my biggest fear is if my kids will get along with each other only because my brother and I never got along. My parents never did anything to properly remedy our conflicts and arguments. So my fear is, if my kids start fighting with each other, will I know what to do to teach them how to get along when I don't even know how to talk to my own brother? This really scares me but just like you said, I put my trust in God and know I'll find the answer through Him. Thank you again.
Andrea Clare says
you are such a kind, generous, loving person – i never would have guessed you had a difficult childhood! You have done an amazing job coming away from it and you will make the most wonderful mother! 🙂
-Andrea
Mel says
I enjoyed reading your post. It made me feel like there is at least one other person out there that feels the same way about their family. Growing up I had a good childhood, but my family isn't very close. I think because my mom was so young when she had my sister and I that it kind of made her feel stifled in her own life. That is something I definitely felt as a kid growing up. As an adult, I sometimes see other families (like you mentioned) and feel a bit envious of how close they are. I've just come to realize that that isn't my lot in life. I don't get to have that close family and that's OK. Hopefully when I find that special guy to spend my life with, we can make our own close family and break the cycle (at least for my family).
Jennifer says
Your pregnancy is flying by! So soon!
Shadowy Lady says
you're almost there, 10 more weeks! And OMG I had the rib pain on the left side too…it started around 25 weeks and went away at around 35 weeks. Funny enough late into my pregnancy I was more comfortable lol!
Regarding the serious stuff, I had my own fear about parenthood. I was actually fortunate enough to have loving and caring but unfortunate to be born and spend my childhood during Iran-Iran war (1982-1988). The daily air raids gave me anxiety that has stuck with me even today. I always had an over-consuming worry about ppl I love dying and got worse when I was pregnant. I would say that things got better once I gave birth though….my anxiety is actually under control now 7 months into motherhood 🙂
Sorry i wrote you an essay 😀 Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don't worry too much.
Christina says
You are too cute pregnant! I've been a long time reader, but I don't always have the chance to comment.
I just wanted to give you a hug. Even for those of us that DID have loving parents, there are things that we didn't like and do differently with our own children. Motherhood has really been an incredible journey for me so far, and a child is the GREATEST of all blessings that could ever be bestowed on you. They are so uncorrupted and beautiful…just like we all were and should've remained, so long ago. But life is life…and we've all been changed along the way…so it's kind of nice to experience that simplicity of goodness again, through a child. It's inspiring, it's heartwarming, it's everything you've ever been told it is…and then some. Not having been in your shoes, I hesitate saying this, but I bet the unconditional love you will receive from your daughter will go a long ways to healing any feelings you still have regarding your own childhood. Children do that, inadvertently….they make us feel stronger, more alive, they heal us. I wish you the absolute best! I can't wait to meet your baby girl. I bet she will be absolutely adorable!
Becky says
I've been reading your blog for a while now and this has probably been the best written post that I have seen so far. You really have a knack for writing. There are SO many bloggers out there that just do not have a talent for writing. I'm not saying you have to be a good writer to blog (that's kind of the point, isn't it?) but it's nice to come to a blog every other day and really enjoy what you are reading. Thanks for putting yourself out there, so to speak, in a very eloquent and tastefully done way. I truly believe in therapy and really support you whole-heartily in your improvement of yourself. Keep up this amazing writing! I look forward to reading about your journey. (<— ugh I hate that word, but for some reason that is the only word that really came to me right now.)
Alex says
First of can I just say that you're still looking so great and kind of very much putting me to shame, haha. Secondly, I can completely relate to what you said at the beginning of this post. I'm not going to go into detail but I really respect you for being so honest and talking about it. Everything you said I was thinking 'Wow, really?! I'm not the only one.'
I can't believe that you're 30 weeks already! I'm now 37 weeks and boy do I feel ready for my little guy to make his appearance!
Alex
Bump to Baby
Meg O. says
Veronika, this post is literally making me tear up, simply because I can relate to you so much. And that I am choosing to literally give my life to my daughter and any other future children I may have. I can already tell you are going to be an amazing mother. I appreciate your honesty and truth and sharing this with us. And you look beautiful to boot 🙂
Allison Eubanks says
What a wonderful post. I think that your knowledge of what you DON'T want for your daughter already makes you a wonderful mother. My husband is dealing with this now and it has shown him what he doesn't want to be as a parent.
As for the rib pain, I had the same thing. It started around 31 weeks and my doctor called it a "hot spot". It was actually his foot pressing up against my rib and it was horrible!!! The shelf bra should help and I would push on him to try and get him to move down.
Jessica says
Veronika – I don't normally comment but wanted to leave a quick one after this heartfelt post today. My parents both had terrible parents (my grandparents, to clarify). I won't go into details, but they were not very loving or supportive, and were emotionally abusive to say the least (and to this day are still very difficult people who don't show love easily, though they are better with us grandkids). They behaved very selfishly and never in the best interests of their children. But both of my parents somehow managed to be the most loving, supportive people and I am in constant awe of them for that. I think they found unconditional love in each other and that helped. I wouldn't trade them for anyone in the world. I hope that gives you some comfort. You will be a fabulous mother, the fact that you are worried about it at all proves that! 🙂
Warmly,
Jessica
Karma Addict says
First I would like to say how much I enjoy reading your blog; always lots of fun. I'm probably much older than most of your readers (52) and my kids are 17 and 23 but here's something to remember…it's very easy to look at other people and think they have an ideal life…I've done it and probably still do to an extent…but outside appearances aren't always as they seem; nothing is ideal…I too did not have the best childhood and unfortunately married into an equally dysfunctional family (yikes) and thru many mistakes(lots)I've come to realize what is and isn't in my control…but one thing for sure that is still a constant, is how much my kids mean to me and the unconditional love I have for them…you sound well grounded and seem to have a good husband and are obviously over the moon about your baby girl…you'll do fine. Lots of good karma for you!
Ellie says
Wow Veronika, I am blown away by the fact that you opened up to us about your life and childhood. Thank you so much and I truly appreciate you doing that! I have no doubt that ANYBODY who truly trusts in God and prays that he/she be able to overcome obstacles due to a difficult childhood, He will walk that person through every step of the way because He only wants the best for us and our children. Keep on trusting Him, and I just believe that your admitting that you are somewhat scared and are vulnerable with your fears, He can work on you and your beautiful new family that much more! 😀
CHAS says
We had similar upbringings. 🙂 I never thought about it during my pregnancy, but it did cause very extreme PPD which lasted for about 20 months (which is why I stopped blogging for awhile). You have an outstanding therapist at TCH, Dr. Lucy Puryear who will also see you during pregnancy if you'd like. I actually had to switch OB/GYNs to TCH so that she can coordinate with my Dr should I decide to have another child. Please don't hesitate to use her. If you ever want to chat, I am here too.
Francis says
Even after 3 children, I still don't have it figure out. For one, each child is different, and second, I'm still learning. I'll always be learning, because there are experiences I've never been through yet. My oldest is 10 and it's a challenge because I've never had a 10 yr old before, and when she turns 11, it will also be a new experience. Parenting can definitely be overwhelming and I pray constantly that God helps me be a good mom. Sometimes you are going to feel like you're the best mom in the world, and other times you're going to feel like a failure of a mom. Being a mom is feeling guilty a lot, but it's also so inexplicably wonderful. I know you're going to be a good mom, and the nice thing is, there are so many resources out there if you find you are struggling with something.
Amy says
I love reading your blog! My mother died when I was 16 and my father is also gone now too, it makes me sad that my baby won't have any maternal grandparents around but I am determined to be best mother I can. You look great! I love the bras from Gap, they are very comfy. I am 29 weeks now and constantly craving cupcakes and all these hormones are making me very emotional lately!
[email protected] says
I am so thankful and appreciative for all of your loving and thoughtful comments to this post. It has really brightened my day to hear from all of you 🙂 sometimes it's nice just to know others can relate to your experience. So thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on this post, it really means a lot and I have the best readers 🙂
Nora Davis says
Just the fact that you shared this shows what a loving, concerned, caring, and thoughtful mother you would be (although I already knew you would be)! Every child deserves unconditional, all-consuming love and it's heartbreaking that they don't all receive that. I hope you will rest easy knowing that your baby girl is so so blessed to have you as her mama and will feel loved every second of her life!
Sara Broeking says
Before getting married I was so worried about making sure I "picked" the right guy because my parents divorced when I was little. We moved from the east coast to the west coast when I was 5 and I didn't know how to understand what was going on. I carried it around for a long time and never wanted to put my future children through something like that. As we experience things we grow and we understand that we don't have to be like that just because it happened to us. I know it's hard not to worry sometimes but this too shall pass. You're going to be a great mother, I know it!
Kendra says
Glad your pregnancy is going well! I'm right behind you at 27 weeks with a little girl. Your feelings about your family are similar to mine. There is a book that I just found out about that I plan to read called "Not Like My Mother: Becoming a sane parent after growing up in crazy family" The Kindle version is FREE today- https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005OYB8OO
Another book that I plan to read was recommended by my therapist. Its called: Parenting From the Heart.
No need to worry about all this right now. You have some time to get it right 🙂
Beautygirl24 says
Beautiful post veronika. It almost had me in tears, and I certainly can relate. I come from a broken home, have no siblings, and horrible anxiety that I think partly stems from my childhood and my parents. It scares me to think that I might pass on some of my behaviors to my future child. I think therapy is the best thing we can all do! You will be a wonderful mother, no doubt 😉
Ana says
Your blog post made me cry. And I do not cry easily. It just hit a lot of personal spots for me. I have had a very rough relationship with my parents and I know how difficult it is. I think you're going to be an amazing mother. And, honestly, seeing how much personal growth and how much you've overcome to get to a healthy place filled with love gives me hope. I'm always terrified of being a mother because I know exactly what I NEVER want my child to face (everything I did) so I think being cognizant of that will help you in so many ways.
Thank you for posting this, as difficult as it was, it really touched not just me but I'm sure MANY people.
PinkLeaf says
Thank you so much for opening your heart up and sharing your thoughts Veronika. There's so much I can relate to you about. I am amazed by your honesty and your resolve to be a loving mother to your daughter. I hope that if and when I become a mother in the future, I will have the same foresight and wisdom to take time to become the mother I would have wanted when I was growing up. You're a true inspiration to me!
Loren says
What a sweet post. I love your positivity and know you will be a fantastic mother!
Rachel says
I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother! I am still on the fence about having children for similar reasons. I didn't have a good childhood and wouldn't have the first clue about raising another human being. Also, the thought of my future child growing up to be a burden on society terrifies me. As much as you may try to mold someone into a "good" person, it is ultimately up to them to make good decisions.
allourgooddays says
Hi, I just wanted to say that I know what it feels like to not have had a horrible childhood, but also that it wasn't ideal. My daughter is almost 13 months and having her has been the greatest joy of my life. It's brought up a lot of things from the past that I now have to work through. She's also given me a reason to finish working through them (without therapy this time) and put them in the past… it wasn't ideal, but it's over. I can't change it, but I can learn from it and not make the same mistakes my parents did. I'd rather live in the joy I have today. I wish you all the best!
Viv says
Dear Veronica,
I have been reading your blog on and off for a while. Every post shows so much sincerity, especially this one. I resonate with you on breaking the cycle and providing unconditional love and share your fear of ever damaging my children. I am thinking of motherhood and reading this post has helped me realizing almost every parent-to-be shares my worries.
Thank you and good luck!
Alli says
This is such a beautiful and honest post Veronika! It takes a lot of courage to open up about personal challenges and fears. You seem like such a caring person and I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother! By the way you look absolutely gorgeous <3
e4cecf00-98e6-11e2-9aaf-000bcdcb2996 says
I always hated babies (and pregnant people… sorry! -_-) until your blog. I had a really messed up childhood with a mom who didn't really want me, and I think it severely impacted how I viewed having children as a whole. Children and pregnancies in general were unwanted burdens, I think because that was how my mom felt about it and often vocalized those feelings growing up. Even though I'm only in college, I still don't know that I'll choose the path of parenthood… But reading your blog I can at least say that I admire it now. I think since I always liked you and related to you as a reader it just changed my perspective, seeing how much love and thought you and your husband put into your marriage and pregnancy inspires me to be better and find someone like your awesome husband for myself! lol. Seriously, my standards have gone WAY up since reading! Your pregnancy updates also don't annoy the crap out of me like I thought they would, I honestly didn't think I'd visit your blog anymore but they really grew on me (which was surprising) and I actually look forward to those updates now and am excited to see your baby girl when she gets here. Look at you, out there blogging and changing lives for the better! haha. Anyways. I'm rambling. But thank you for sharing, not just your updates and your fashion but your life and your inspiration. You are the type of person I wish I had as a mom, and you will be a FABULOUS one to your child. All the best 🙂
Marasy says
Thank you for sharing a little of your story. I am glad you decided to post it, since it shows how many of us have suffered and that you can still be successful. Unfortunately like most everyone else here, I can relate to the consequences of having a not so good childhood. My brothers and I were emotionally and psychologically abused. I never wanted children because it was impressed upon me what a burden they were, and frankly I never wanted to inflict upon them what happened to us. Now as I grow older I find myself shifting my views on having children and realizing that I might be capable of breaking that cycle and giving my children unconditional love and support. As for now though, I don't see my father much but I do see my mom more often. I have been out of that household for 3 1/2 years and I still have nightmares. Fortunately I married an incredible man whom I can trust and love without fear.
kaylan says
i just wanted to offer support and encouragement from my own parents! they both had pretty awful childhoods. my dad was born at 7 months in 1956 and his parents abandoned him at the hospital. his grandmother picked him up, but he bounced from house to house until he was 13 when he landed with an amazing family. my mom grew up with alcoholic, emotionally distance, sometimes verbally abusive parents.
when my parents got married they committed to be 100% different from their parents. they surrounded themselves with good role models and did a fantastic job raising me. i seriously could not imagine more loving, encouraging, supportive parents than the two i have. sometimes knowing how you DON'T want to parent is as good as knowing how you do.
the mere fact that you're thinking about all of this means that you will be a great mom!
Elena says
veronika, i'm really glad you decided to post this. though it's not all rainbows & butterflies, it keeps you human. i too have felt uneasy about becoming a parent one day because i don't agree w/ my parents choices and i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get over some things from my own childhood – but like you i have also found solace in my boyfriend's family. they are truly what i envision to be the best possible parents and i'm so glad i met them because i now feel that i won't turn out to be a horrible parent because of some of my past.
good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, can't wait to meet the little one!
Jane B. says
Hi Veronika! Thank you for being so honest about your feelings about impending motherhood. My husband and I have delayed having children b/c of our own childhood growing up and we are as well working towards providing the kind of environment that we wished we had. I guess we are working on ourselves first before we take the next steps.
Thanks again for your honesty.
🙂
~Jane B.
NatalieW. says
Hi Veronika, I'm a recent follower on your blog and want to thank you for opening up. It's so refreshing to read because not all bloggers share their personal experiences. Your story is encouraging me right now, because my relationship with my father is very strained, and has been for quite some time. I'm learning how I don't want to parent my future children and it's nice to hear that I'm not alone. Thanks again =)
lwags says
I don't think anyone can say that they had a perfect childhood but one of the great things about being a parent is that you have the power to ensure that your children will have the things that your childhood lacked. You have the power to make them better people, feel more loved, confident, encourage them to do things you wouldn't have done or didn't get to do when you were young, etc.
What I love most about you is that you seem to have such an amazingly calm and wonderful manner about you. You are going to be an amazing mother. Even though it seems like a lot now (pregnancy hormones make everything seem X10. lol) you do not have anything to worry about.
Heather says
You are a sweet and loving person and that's the kind of mother your daughter will be getting.
I will say there is a moment (or at least there was for me) when it's time to leave the hospital with your baby and you don't want to part ways with doctors and nurses who have all the answers. It feels a little bit like that moment when the roller coaster leaves the launching station.
When and if that moment comes for you, just take a deep breath, smile and whisper to your little girl, "here we go."
It's going to be great, Veronika. Sending good thoughts.
Heather
Freckles Chick says
I've been a lurker for a while now but just wanted to de-lurk to tell you how much I admire you for posting this. So many bloggers carefully curate their blog to the point of perfection. I think, is it all just for show?! You're GORGEOUS yet so real….well, you're a breath of fresh air!
I have a very strained relationship w/ my dad & a distant one w/ my mom. Once my daughter was born, though my dad & I still don't speak, my mom & I have grown closer (but it' still a bit awkward at times). I knew when I was pregnant that I wouldn't let history repeat itself & worried….would I know how to love this little one when I wasn't loved in that way?
Parenting is THE hardest thing we've ever found ourselves doing. Yet after some time, it feels so natural. It sounds cliche, but it truly is all about following your instincts. As long as she knows she's loved, the other stuff doesn't need to happen perfectly.
You're going to be a WONDERFUL mama!!! This post alone tells me that.
xoxo