After taking a 12-week maternity leave where I wore v-neck t-shirts and Lululemon shorts every.single.day (no, really) I was ready to rediscover my closet when I returned to work. I hadn’t worn a lot of my clothes in so long that it actually feels like I’m wearing something new sometimes, even when I’ve had the piece for a couple of years (which is kind of awesome!) I’ve purchased new items recently too, but there’s nothing like mixing and matching new finds with old favorites.
Though all of my old clothes fit me, which I’m surprised by and thankful for (and so is my wallet), some fit differently. Not differently enough not to wear them anymore, but a postpartum body just isn’t the exact same as before, especially so soon after giving birth. After all, it takes nine months to put it on and even if you’re back at your pre-pregnancy weight, or even below it, your body doesn’t quite look or feel the same (and it shouldn’t).
What I recognize is that it will take time and a lot of hard work to get my body to where I’d like it to be. I definitely want to feel strong and be toned again because I have zero muscle mass right now (and darn it, I worked hard for it before!) so I’ve started to walk more often by taking Harper out in her stroller now that it’s cooled down a bit in the evenings (thank goodness for mosquito nets!) It’s a nice time for our family to just relax and talk about our days as we stroll along, away from distractions like TVs and laptops. I’ve also tried to do planks when I’m on the floor with Harper during tummy time, but lets just say those were a challenge and are going to require more practice.
Finding the time to actually work out is tough because by the time we do her evening bath time routine and Harper is asleep and I pump one last time, I’m exhausted. My fitness goal for the next few months is to start up Bar Method classes again and go every Saturday. Slow and steady. I know if I strive for more, I will end up disappointing myself so I’m starting off with the goal of once a week to get some strength and energy back. I’m also going to physiotherapy for my neck once a week and it’s amazing how much of a difference it has made after just two appointments.
I don’t like to give myself a hard time about my body because I’m incredibly proud that I grew and gave birth to an amazing little human life, and also because I’m quite okay with it. Is it the same as before? No. But I never claimed it was or would be (read more about that in my “post baby body” post).
What struck me to write this is actually a post by my online friend Anna Sacconne. She and her husband have a YouTube channel that chronicles their daily lives and a beautiful one year old daughter, Emilia. Anna recently wrote about her postpartum body (she is currently pregnant with her second baby) and how much criticism she received when she posted bikini photos from a family vacation. The comments ranged from “she should be ashamed to wear a bikini” to “if my stomach like that I would kill myself.” If you know Anna, you know she’s gorgeous and tiny. Not that it matters how tiny she is—but it puts into context how ridiculous and cruel many of those comments were. A lot of women would be thrilled to have a postpartum body like hers (myself included!)
I too have recently read some not-so-nice criticisms about my postpartum body online, though not quite at that level of harshness, so Anna’s post really struck me. I can’t say it better than she did so I encourage you to read it here.
What I agree with Anna about the most is that getting my body “back” is very, very low on my list of priorities. I want to focus on my family and spend time cherishing moments with my daughter especially now that I’m back to working full time. Every moment she’s awake is time I want to spend with her and devote to her. At the same time, I do want to be active and healthy so I can set a good example for Harper as she grows.
As a new moms, we’re all judged so much. Every decision is put under a microscope and everyone has an opinion. I recently blogged about the “I Support You” movement where moms are supporting one another about how they chose to feed their babies—so why can’t we support each other about this, too?
Postpartum emotions are full of ups and downs and the last thing women need to be doing is putting down other women’s bodies during a time where there’s so much else going on. A time when there are many more important things to focus on and celebrate.
To want or expect a woman to look exactly as she did before giving birth is asking her to pretend what happened, didn’t. It’s asking her to take back those nine months where her belly grew and stretched (and maybe other areas too) to make this new life she loves so much.
When I see photos of myself wearing my old clothes- I feel good about myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t wear them. I wear them because they fit and because they make me feel good. For being just shy of four months postpartum, I think I’m doing pretty well. Like any woman, I have days where I feel lumpy and puffy but I don’t let those days define how I feel about myself overall.
The bottom line is that some women seem to want to find fault in other women and want to bash them for any reason they can find. I can tell you that in the four years I’ve been blogging, I’ve been criticized for being too thin, not being thin enough, having a “creepy” baby bump (seriously!) and also for my postpartum body. It’s really disheartening that women spend their time doing this, but it is what it is. As long as I keep sharing outfits, snippets of my life and family, etc, I know it won’t stop, but I love doing this so it’s just something I have to deal with.
I’ll leave you with part of Anna’s blog post that I think sums it up well:
“So please bear with me as I continue to share imperfect pictures of my current self and remember to hate less & love more…whether that be yourself or someone else. Because life is too short to spend under your own little cloud of negativity and critiquing other women’s bodies. What’s important is that you are happy with who YOU are.”
And I am. Sorry if that bothers you, but if it does, it says more about you than it does about me.
And just to clarify, I have never once said or “pretended” that my body was the same as before and I am not uncomfortable with my new body (please refer to this post, I’ve always been honest and forthcoming about it). What I’m not comfortable with is people making rude comments about my postpartum body—and it’s not because they hurt me (though they are annoying)—it’s because they hurt all mothers, especially those who are struggling to lose weight and are having a difficult time accepting their postpartum bodies. Think about the broader impact of your statements.
Nicole says
I never could understand a person who would judge another on their body. I mean, we all have different lives and go through so many changes, that for one person to sit back and say something harsh? It just makes no sense to me. As women, we need to stick to together, motivate, inspire and above all support one another.
It takes courage to post picture of yourself online, especially blog or YT yourself, because there is always going to be someone who feels they have the right to judge you. I'm sorry that you have to go through that and that other bloggers (and tubers) have to go through that as well.
:hugs: to you and all the women in the world.
[email protected] says
Thanks Nicole—I wish women would realize that supporting one another will ultimately benefit us all 🙂
Heather Kassotis says
This was so great to read. I would kill for a postpartum body because that means the doctors were wrong and I was able to have a baby after all. It's all about perspective and I completely support yours! You look beautiful and the people that matter the most to you know this already:) Keep up the great posts! XOXO-Heather
[email protected] says
Thank you Heather. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that it happens for you, whether it's via carrying your own baby, adoption, whatever it may be.
Mommy Running Diaries says
thank you for your post. i am 20 pounds away from my prebaby weight and finally caved and bought a pair of real jeans in double my old size. but then i remind myself that i gave BIRTH to a human just 10 weeks ago. and then i feel better.
Anna Nordling says
Are you kidding me? Somebody had something bad to say about your body? You look amazing, postpartum or not! I think a postpartum body is so beautiful because it's a symbol of a woman being able to bear children and give birth. If the day ever comes that I get the chance to have one, I will embrace it like you are doing.
Chasity Munn says
Two years postpartum and I don't even care to be where I was before. I don't look awful or anything, but you are completely right about a shift in priorities after baby. I think you look great, as always!
Sophia M says
I'm not sure what they are criticizing you for because to me, before and after looks pretty much the same. You were beautiful before and now you're even more beautiful. The only major difference I see is you have a cutie in your arms.
Sophia M says
I'm not sure what they are criticizing you for because to me, you look pretty much the same before and after baby. You were beautiful then and now you're even mor beautiful. The major difference I see is you have a cutie in your arms. There will always be someone saying rude things, but those people aren't important. As long as you feel good about yourself, that is all that matters.
Christina says
Thanks for writing about this. I am 8 weeks postpartum with my second and my body is not the same nor will it probably ever be the same. I am finally back into most of my clothes, not comfortably yet but I can get them on. I know it takes time and it is nice to know others are going through the same thing.
https://northernbellemama.blogspot.com
A Robins says
Is there even a weight difference at all ?! You look great!!! Better than most people who haven't even had a baby!! What changes are you even talking about ? You look almost identical !
Shannon Kerns says
Well said Veronika! Sadly I think women judge other women for two reasons. 1, Because they feel like the person they're judging threatens their way of life or their choices somehow. 2. They've been hurt, so that's all they know. Let it roll right off you. You're a beautiful person inside and out. And trust me, it goes both ways. I have women judge me all the time because I'm not a mother. Have a great weekend with your beautiful family!
https://brasshoney.blogspot.com/
Stacy G says
I think you look fabulous!, you don't even look like you had a baby at all let alone recently. I also loved your maternity fashion and pictures. The maxi dresses were very flattering on you. I really wanted to take advantage of that trend also but all 3 of my babies were born right before the weather got warm. Its sad how judgemental people can be, but I guess they are people that are unhappy in their own life to take the time to try to knock someone else down. Theres really no other explanation for it.
SShaw says
Well said. You're right- both your body & your priorities change and the fact is there's no going back!
Katherine says
You look great! I've been discussing it on my blog as well, since I recently had my twins. Thanks for giving me some inspiration.
Katherine
http://www.jagstyleblog.com
Chic Coastal Living says
You look great and your baby is precious! XOXO
picturesandplanetickets says
What an uplifting post. I completely agree. We as women need to stick together and lift each other up rather than worry about tearing each other down. You look amazing, so does Anna. Thanks for sharing!
-Krystle
Erica says
Great post. I didn't realize people wrote negative comments – what a waste of time! I love your blog and I think any woman would just die to look as amazing as you post-partum! Four months is still SOOOO early to look so wonderful, so I really commend you!!
BeatriX says
Veronika, you look great. I rarely post bc I don't trust my google account and don't even know about using the other platforms to comment 😛 but I love your blog. It is a great read. You are an awesome person and it is a BIG DEAL to me that you share your life, your tips, your loved ones (I love your baby carrot, lol, I love that sweet nickname for her), your fashion, home decor, recipes, etc 🙂
I hope the meanies never keep you from posting 🙂 bc you have followers that kinda love you (in a non creepy way :p ) and love your blog.
[I have never said this, but I was especially touched by the post you shared after Harper's birth telling us how you have fallen in love with your hubby more, since he became a dad. That was so nice…and personal.]
I have visited Anna's blog (although I am not a faithful follower), and I'm also a fan of Young House Love… Just recently an upset facebook person made a terribly nasty comment after a Pic of Clara and I wanted to cry! Then I wanted to punch him! Anyway, it is just awful that you & other nice bloggers must encounter nasty and mean people but rest assured, the followers/fans/lovers are way more ♥
Mary-Irene says
You look so great! I would like to mention that post-baby bodies will be different than our pre-baby bodies and sometimes that has nothing to do with any weight gain/loss whatsoever. How about the fact that our rib cages expand to fit our growing babies? I can tell you that I do not believe that mine actually ever contracted all the way to its pre-baby size. I was super skinny after my second child, but yet my t-shirts and tops fit differently and I'm convinced it's just one of those changes that occur from pregnancy. Things that people don't even think of change our body shape. Stuff will fit differently. No question. You look great in all of your work outfits! I especially enjoyed your Boden reviews!
Marcie says
It is a sick, sick world we live in if people are criticizing you for your appearance after baby! You look amazing!
Alicia Charles says
Bravo! I am 12 weeks PP and really needed to hear all of this! I have been feeling a little low lately about my body. This is one of your best posts yet! THANK YOU!
Vanessa says
I guess I dont get it … the other day I saw your post in the maxi dress and I thought "OMG she looks fantastic" I have no idea how people can be so creul especially when you look so good. Keep up the writing! I love your posts.
Jennifer Jones says
Thank you for this post! First of all, you look great! I (along with a bunch of other new moms I'm sure) appreciate your candid-ness when talking about your post-partum body. Yes, you look great – you're also being honest talking about your "zero muscle mass" (um, how is it possible to have literally no ab muscles anymore?! because mine are nowhere to be found), but what I really loved is the emphasis on feeling great. There is SO much pressure for women to look what they looked like before getting pregnant way too quickly after giving birth. I get frustrated sometimes since a lot of my wardrobe doesn't fit for one reason or another (shirts too tight from my new breastfeeding boobs and an extra 10 lbs. around my hips), and then I remember that my little one is 12 weeks old. I very much appreciate your "I support you" standpoint. Thank you for the reminder to be kind to ourselves and to others.
Coreen says
If someone feels the need to criticize you, it is a product of their own insecurities. You look fantastic and have a healthy attitude about your body. Perhaps others are just jealous.
Nicole says
What is wrong with people?! You look amazing obviously, but even if you didn't, why on earth would anyone feel the need to comment on your not-even 4 month postpartum body? Some people need to take a step back and realize what is truly important in life.
Renee says
Great post! I couldn't agree more with all you have said. I have off days but overall, I'm so proud of my body for creating and growing my beautiful son. It is sad that women are their own worst enemies and take enjoyment from tearing others down. X
ps. you look fabulous now, you looked fabulous throughout pregnancy and you looked fabulous before pregnancy 😉
helin says
These people must be out of their mind and filled with jealousy somehow, there can be no other explanation for their inconsiderate and even rude beavior. And wishing someone to have a stillborn is just plain crazy and hateful. Don't you even give these kinds of haters the time of the day. You are beautiful inside and out.
[email protected] says
Whoa! I just want to clarify that I have never heard anyone wishing anything bad upon me or my baby…
Thanks for your comment!
helin says
Oh, so sorry for the misunderstanding. I did not mean you. This was about an article I stumbled upon about Anna Saccone at https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2207770/I-hope-shes-stillborn-Internet-trolls-savage-couple-broadcast-birth-baby-online.html.
Heather says
It is horrible how people can be so insensitive and mean. I'm so sorry! For the record, you look AMAZING. And you are beautiful both inside and out.
A.Co says
Holy crap, someone called your baby bump 'creepy'?! WHAT. THE. F#CK. That's ridiculous and SO CRUEL. What's wrong with people!!?!?
First of all, you look AMAZING and to me, it looks like you've never even had a baby! Your body is bangin' and was before AND after baby (hello!). Secondly, I agree with you on Anna's post-partum body (bangin', aswell!) and she looked PHENOM in that pink polka dot bikini (I watch their daily vlogs :). I can't believe people can be so damn cruel and just plain mean. Again, what's wrong with people?!
I think it's great you shared this post and I'm going to read Anna's post now since you linked up to it. You're so strong for letting these types of comments roll of your back, I know it's not always easy to just let it go in one ear and out the other.
As always, thanks for keeping it real and BEING real. Love you and your blog (you know this) and keep doing you. xo
Christina says
What are people thinking?! You JUST had a baby (and you look pretty great afterwards too)! I'm so glad that you have the confidence to not be affected by people's criticism. But I'm also glad you had the courage to say something, because even if it doesn't affect you personally, it has to change.
Shadowy Lady says
TBH I cannot see any difference between your pre and post baby body. I don't know how ppl can even criticize it as to me your body hasn't changed. I would just ignore hateful comments, because they just don't make sense and you already feel great about your body…let's not give them any attention 😉
I had my baby a year ago and like you I bounced back to my pre-pregnancy weight very fast. But I also had issue with lack of muscle tones. I eased into exercising with at home DVD's first and eventually went back to my bootcamp classes. I love my body now but it takes commitment. Those 6 am bootcamp classes aren't fun!Being slim can be genetics but being fit takes hard work 🙂
Allison Tee says
Seriously, how could anyone say anything negative about you? You look FANTASTIC! And what your body has done is amazing! Personally, I think anyone who leaves a negative comment is just jealous. For what it's worth, I lost all my baby weight within 5 months or so…but am just starting to look like myself again a year later. I think it just takes a while for your body to "settle," especially if you're breastfeeding.
Allison Tee says
Seriously, how could anyone say anything negative about you? You look FANTASTIC! And what your body has done is amazing! Personally, I think anyone who leaves a negative comment is just jealous. For what it's worth, I lost all my baby weight within 5 months or so…but am just starting to look like myself again a year later. I think it just takes a while for your body to "settle," especially if you're breastfeeding.
Luba Lovely says
That is so cruel! I'm sorry people said those things about you. Honestly you look amazing, can't really tell the difference in the clothing. But I do know what you mean. It takes time to earn the muscle mass back. I think that is a great goal to have, once a week 😉
Luba
http://www.lubalovely.com
Brenda Fuentes says
Hi Veronika,
I just want to say thank you so much for posting this. I am a reader of Anna's blog as well, even though I have never been pregnant I have seen it first hand with both my sisters. The pressure they get to get back to pre-baby weight (no thanks to those unrealistic and photoshopped celebrity magazines) is just ridiculous. Once your baby is here they become your number one priority as they should. I think you look fabulous!! Again thank you for posting and shake those haters off. =)
Laura Cisneros says
What a beautiful post I think you look great post-partum I had my baby girl on May 26th just a day before you I have loved reading all you pregnancy and post-pregnancy post. I still have 1/2 way to go to my pre-pregnancy and I understand that it is very hard but like you said we created a beautiful life and hearing unnecessary criticism doesn't help. I for one think you look great and it is inspiring to read how much you accept and love your new figure. You look awesome keep doing what you do.