In my 36 weeks pregnant post, I talked a lot about my hopes and fears about breastfeeding. From the beginning of my pregnancy, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I had read numerous studies about the benefits of breast milk for babies and I wanted to provide Harper with my milk, if I could.
My breastfeeding journey began with a breast pump at the hospital. You’ll recall from my birth story that Harper was whisked away to the NICU about an hour or so after her birth. Because I wasn’t able to be with her, the moment I got to our new room on the mother/baby unit where we would spend the rest of our hospital stay, I asked my nurse for a pump so I could try to extract some colostrum to feed her.
I was able to pump a small syringe the night she was born and I brought it to her in the NICU that night. The next morning, I pumped another syringe and fed it to her. I also worked with a lactation consultant everyday I was in the hospital to try to get Harper to feed at the breast. She was unable to get a good latch and would de-latch and scream the entire time—or, she would fall asleep. Needless to say it was a rough start for us.
The day after we brought her home, we visited the pediatrician to have her billiruben levels re-checked and they also weighed her. The hospital had sent us home with some formula because she was getting pasteurized donor breast milk in the NICU and was used to getting full feeds—and I didn’t feel I was producing enough colostrum to satisfy her. So, I was pumping and also supplementing.
At her one week pediatrician appointment, our doctor was concerned that she had lost a little too much weight and asked me how breastfeeding was going. I felt so defeated. She wasn’t gaining back weight quickly enough and so I was instructed to bring her to the breast as much as possible as well as to continue pumping and supplementing with formula as needed.
So I continued to pump and my milk finally came in about 5 days after giving birth. Once my milk came in I felt more confident brining her to the breast, but she still had latching issues and would scream every time I tried to feed her. I started to feed her mostly expressed breast milk and a feeding or two of formula per day.
I knew I had to do something because I really wanted breastfeeding to work out. I finally ordered a Medela nipple shield from Amazon.com and anxiously waited for it to arrive. By this point, every time Harper latched on I would feel a searing pain and my nipples were getting destroyed due to her poor latch. I was literally praying that the nipple shield would be our saving grace.
And it was. Once I started using the nipple shield, everything changed. Harper could latch on and STAY latched on. She wasn’t screaming anymore. I could hear her swallowing when I would breastfeed her. I finally felt like I was providing her with what she needed.
By her two week appointment she had re-gained her birth weight (was slightly above it) so our pediatrician was happy about that and encouraged me to wean from using the shield, and to breastfeed her as much as possible to build my supply.
I consulted a lactation expert who happens to conduct all kinds of studies on breast milk and breastfeeding and she told me it was okay to continue using the nipple shield if Harper was able to breastfeed with it and told me that a study on nipple shields saying they affect supply was very outdated and also was conducted using a nipple shield and a breast pump and not a baby feeding at the breast with a shield, so the results were inaccurate.
For now, I’m continuing to use the shield. Harper is having the recommended amount of wet and dirty diapers per day which makes me more confident that she is getting what she needs. I also took her in for a weighted feeding, so I knew how much she was transferring in an average nursing session. Now, I mostly breastfeed her and I still try to pump once or twice a day. Though most of her feedings are at the breast, she typically gets one formula feeding per day, which is 2 ounces. The most formula she ever gets is 4 ounces per day, but usually it’s just 2.
I feed her on demand right now—there are days where she cluster-feeds and wants to eat every hour to hour and a half and there are days where she sleeps a ton and I have to wake her every 3 hours to feed. At night, she can go 4-5 hours without waking and I let her sleep at night and only feed her when she wakes, which is what was recommended to me.
My goal is to continue to breastfeed her and pump for her when I return to work. By the way, I am using Medela’s Pump in Style Advanced and LOVE it! I don’t mind supplementing with formula—whatever will make her happy and healthy is all I care about. I hope I can accomplish this goal, but I’m going to try not too get down on myself if it doesn’t work out either.
Overall, I’m thrilled I can breastfeed at all. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I would be able to produce milk because of my breast augmentation surgery and my lack of natural breast tissue prior to my surgery. It’s really reassuring to know that my body is able to provide Harper with the nutrients she needs and I feel very blessed. I had a lot of women with implants reach out to me when I first discussed my fears about possibly not being able to breastfeed and I’m so glad to have had their support and reassurance. I’m grateful to have such amazing readers who are willing to share their personal experiences with me. I think it’s a beautiful thing when women can support and help each other in such a special way.
I’ve also been fortunate to have a husband who really supports me when it comes to breastfeeding. Kevin has been so encouraging about nursing, especially when I was down on myself and worried that it wasn’t going to work out. Having a supportive partner makes all the difference. I also love that he can feed her too with expressed milk or formula. It’s nice that he can have that bonding time with her. We are also fortunate that she takes bottles— I know some breastfed babies won’t take them at all. She doesn’t have a preference—we use Avent, Medela and tommee tippee bottles, so that makes things easier.
I will continue to post updates about breastfeeding as we continue our journey. Thanks for reading and feel free to share with me your breastfeeding journey in the comments below! And remember—whether you choose to breastfeed, pump or formula feed your baby—all that matters is that you are feeding your baby and giving her or him what they need. How a mother feeds her baby isn’t a place for judgment—every mother needs to do what is best for her baby and her family.
Jen says
You're doing a great job! I admire you for taking the stance that feeding your baby, regardless of the method, is most important.
catiaspi says
reading this made me remember just how hard nursing was in the beginning. naked feedings. i rented a baby scale because they made me nervous saying he wasnt feeding for long enough. they freak you out so much and it was SO PAINFUL. then all of the issues go away. I am assuming that you gave birth at Texas Children's Pavilion, so they should have given you a nipple shield. i am so glad that you can nurse. it was really sad to read how upset and defeated that class had made you feel. congratulations. your doing everything right.
Unknown says
I used a nipple shield for 5 months…every feeding. It was a huge pain (so hard to put on in public, which made nursing out and about a bit of a challenge), but so very worth it. I slowly weaned from the shield after 5 months or so, and we did just fine.
I never felt as if the shield affected my supply. The LCs in the hospital provided me with them (only way I could get my son to latch due to flat nipples)–trying to feed him without them resulted in severe pain for me, and a cranky mess for him. I pumped after he ate, and established a fairly substantial supply–maybe bordering on an oversupply. I was even able to donate approximately 500 ounces.
Don't let the shield scare you…it's a great tool. Congratulations on making it this far; you're doing a great job!
April Lynn says
You're doing so great! Those earlier days arent easy!
Amanda says
I had a similar experience and my baby girl is now 19 weeks old. While learning to breastfeed, my baby kept falling asleep and it was hard to teach her how to eat. When we went in for her check up, she had lost too much weight and was admitted back into the hospital where I had to feed her every two hours and supplement with formula. She had weighed feedings and weighed diapers and it honestly made me feel like I was doing everything wrong. Thankfully she gained back all her weight really quickly and now breastfeeding is much more natural and I enjoy it more than I ever thought I could. I commend you for working at it and doing what is best for your daughter. She couldn't ask for a better mother!
Louise says
Keep up the great work!!
Shadia Brown says
Completely agree with you! I went through a similar experience and although my son took to my breast, once I needed to start supplementing with formula, he quickly got used to it and did not want to breastfeed anymore. I continued to pump and supplement and although not having my baby at my breast killed me, I knew I had to do what was right for him and leave my feelings aside. Thank you for sharing your story! I can definitely relate.
babybuttonbrown.blogspot.com
Jenn P says
you're doing awesome mama! I had a hard time breastfeeding my twin boys (even with a nipple shield). They just weren't efficient at it and were never great at latching. I pumped what I could for a few months, but also gave them a lot of formula. They are happy, healthy 4.5 year olds now, and I can honestly say…the healthiest kids I've ever seen. Never more then a cold, have never thrown up. With my girls, I educated myself a little more and was even MORE determined to make breastfeeding work. I nursed them and pumped for 5 months (they will be 6 months this week), and never had to give them formula. They were just so much better at it then my boys were. I stopped at 5 months, used what I had stashed in my freezer, and then transitioned to formula. They are healthy, happy and beautiful. No mother deserves to be judged on how they feed their baby. All I care about is that you feed them…the method in which you do it doesn't matter. Good luck, you (and your hubby!) are doing awesome! ~Jenn
http://www.twobytwomom.com
It's A Love Story says
I'm nurse in the NICU so I help a lot of moms and first time moms with BF. I don't really agree with your lactation consulted, I see a lot of moms who use a nipple shield, their supply is affected as the baby gets older it doesn't provide enough stimulation you wont provide what she needs as she gets bigger. I have a 4 month old and I when back to work and im still bf I wished I started building a supply early. I would recommend to start storing your bm now if you can. So if she sleeps for 4-5 hours sometimes at night I would still try to pump every 3 hours this will also help increase your supply
Angelina Medina says
No one tells you how difficult it can be to breastfeed. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so happy for you!
Schnelle says
I'm so happy to hear that it's working for you! I have the same pump and I love it too. Having a supportive husband really does make all the difference. I just drafted our breast feeding journey and we have had some ups and downs too. Ill post it soon.
Jennifer says
I love breastfeeding. My hospital made me feel like I wasn't pumping /nursing enough for her to eat while she was in NICU. I hated that they made me feel that way.
E Hayes says
I'm justing editing my breastfeeding post now! Hopefully the novel will be done and posted this week. Reading your early journey reminds me a lot of how we started. Keep up the good work!
KDot says
Thank you for sharing your story.
I have ten weeks before my little guy arrives and I have a lot of anxiety about breastfeeding.
I love this statement: "How a mother feeds her baby isn't a place for judgment—every mother needs to do what is best for her baby and her family."
I have a fear that breastfeeding won't work out for me and I'll face a lot of judgement, particularly from my mother and MIL.
L.S. says
I also had to pump & use a nipple shield for about 2 months do to inverted nipples. It was a tough start but I'm now closing in on a year of breast feeding my little guy. You have a great perspective on the whole breast feeding/formula feeding issue. It really is only about what is best for the baby. Good luck to you & your little girl.
LRA says
Good job, mama!!!! My son was born five weeks early, and needless to say, we had a difficult time with breastfeeding. Same thing, I was p umping and supplementing and breastfeeding with the nipple shield. I think I used the shield for like 3 months and then eventually, which will also happen for you , your baby will get the hang of it and you won't need the shield. Great job, keep it up, and it gets better as time goes on. Most importantly, enjoy your time with your baby girl. It goes by way too fast………snippets of journal writing, pictures, etc. Keep them coming!!!!
Mandy Brown says
Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things moms go through and kudos to you for putting your struggles out there! I had to use a shield with my daughter for awhile because she had a poor latch since she was born premature and was so small. They don't call it a Mother's Intuition for nothing; you know what is best for your little girl and if using a shield for awhile and supplementing with formula are what keep her (and you) happy and healthy, then you do that 🙂
Michelle says
Congrats you are doing so great with bf! My dd is 2 months and I really wanted to bf but it didn't work out. She just wouldn't latch without tons of help and I couldn't take the stress of it or pumping every feed so I gave up. It sucks and I regret it but I was so overwhelmed at the time.
Amber B. says
Nobody really talks about how hard it can be, and I'm glad you went in with an open mind. Everyone has their own unique experience, some are harder and others are easier. Great job on preserving and so glad you and Kevin are doing well, too!
Swissy says
First of all: congratulations on your baby girl! She's very beautiful!
I also had to use those nipple shields (i also got the ines from medela). It was no problem and my little boy got enough milk. After approx. 3 months the nipple shields weren't necessary anymore as he could suck much stronger so it worked fine.
Just make sure you keep those shields clean and sterile, but i'm sure you're already doing that.
And yes, a reliable partner/husband is the best thing in the world 😉
For the first 2 weeks after giving birth i had the baby blues. It really helped that my hubs knew what was going on and how to "handle" the situation. He's doing a lot for us and loves his boy to bits.
Enjoy motherhood 😉
Luba Lovely says
You are doing a great job V! I will soon be doing the same thing again. I'm hoping to bf this time around too. I actually miss that special bond. It's quite amazing.
Cassie says
I also had to use a nipple shield as our baby girl wouldn't latch properly. I was determined to wean her off of it, but every time I would try without the shield she would start crying. I felt defeated and gave up, but was happy she was getting breast milk, even if it was with a shield. Around 3 months I randomly tried without it and she latched perfectly and we haven't needed it since then! The moral of my story is if you can't wean her off of it right away then don't worry, she will go without it when she is ready! Congrats on your gorgeous and healthy baby girl and your breast feeding success!
Becca says
Breastfeeding can be such a mind game! Just keep doing what you feel most comfortable with and it will all turn out fine! A happy Mama leads to a happy babe 🙂 My little one is almost 4 months, and I remember those early days of cluster feeding and wondering if it would ever end. I was so exhausted. It will get so much better! Whenever I worry about my little guys food, I always remind myself that he is wetting/soiling enough diapers and that's the best sign I can get! Good luck!
Sarah says
It seems like you are doing a great job, Veronika! So happy to hear you are both adjusting well.
Nicole says
Congratulations, you are doing awesome! It is so, so hard. We had a similar start, but with some extra issues thrown in there. I'm relieved to read that you seem to have a healthy outlook on the whole thing- you need to figure out what is best for you and Harper- don't let anyone make you feel inferior or any less of a mother! Congratulations again, she is just beautiful!
Meg O. says
You are doing a great job, mama! I never used a shield but if the LC wasn't worried about it, I wouldn't be either. Only thing I wish I would have done is start pumping earlier to build up a bigger stock for when I went back to work. It's easy to get caught up in numbers and ounces and what not, but you know her best and your mommy gut is real! Obviously you've got a good mommy gut 🙂
Linda says
So glad things are going well. You have the best attitude! And, yes, any way you can feed your child is good! You are lucky she will take a bottle…. my daughter would, but not well. (that was 34 years ago!!! ha)
Britt @ The Magnolia Pair says
Loved this post Veronika! I feel like we have such a similar story, except you were lucky to know early on that she wasn't gaining weight until 6 weeks 🙁 we basically had to start all over, it was rough and we are still supplementing with formula. I trying to stay hopeful that my breast milk will completely satisfy her, but every time we wean she ends up needing it soon after. I am so glad that with your history you are able to breastfeed! Harper is lucky to have such a motivated mommy!
Britt @ The Magnolia Pair says
And I actually have a similar post in my drafts bc I've been adding to it every few weeks, you've motivated me to finish it and post it soon 🙂
Melanie says
I totally agree… People judge a lot about breast feeding, but I think every mother should do what's best for their baby
Stephanie says
We used a shield for the duration of the 8 months I nursed my daughter. And 5 of those months we supplemented with formula. You're right – it's all about doing the best you can. You seem to be doing great!
karebear304 says
Good work, Veronika! I meant to comment on your last post, but you and I seem to have similar body types. The pregnancy pounds melted off of me and then just kept going away. I had no idea you could quickly loose TOO much weight while breastfeeding, so just be sure to keep an eye on yourself. I slid to way under my prepregnancy weight way too quickly and Reed stopped gaining weight, so I think my milk levels went down. All is good now that I literally eat every second of the day, but just something to watch for especially since your little lady seems to have trouble with the weight too.
arena17_2003 says
My mom had a lot of trouble breastfeeding, and the group that she hoped would support her and help her was a bit mean and made her feel defeated. Someone eventually told her to lay down on the bed on her side and lay the baby next to her and the baby will latch on naturally after a while. It was the thing that finally worked for her. That might be something to try if you want to wean off of the nipple shields. Either way, you are a loving mother who is doing everything she can to provide for her daughter. That's all that matters!
The Sages says
Sounds like you have persevered through it! You are feeding and taking care of her regardless of whether it is breast milk with or without a shield or formula. We had the same problem with latch and they actually gave us the shield in the hospital. My LO is 7 weeks old now and is getting to the point where she can sometimes latch without it. It would be more conveinent if she did not need it (I have managed to lose it multiple times and now have about 3 of them), but as long as she's eating, its fine!
Harper is precious btw.
Jennifer Tisdel says
Thank you for sharing! My first boy is two weeks old and I'm constantly questioning what I'm eating and what I put on my body. It's so easy to get down on yourself. Like you said, all that matters is that baby is happy and healthy.
I'm going to start pumping Friday. I hope to breast feed and bottle feed. Fingers crossed he loves food as much as me and takes both options.
Lindsay says
Good job mama! My guy was born at 39 weeks and super healthy but he had a bad latch from the beginning. We worked consistantly with lactation specialist in the hospital and he was nursing but killing me. I was in so much pain. I used the Medela nipple shields and then switched to the avent ones per my LC advice. I also used Mother Love nipple cream (heaven in a jar!). I got mastitis 3 times and plugged ducts constantly because of his latch. He started being fussy all the time and only wanted to nurse but got frustrated because he wasn't getting enough. He started to not gain as much as he should've been. I was so stressed out and it was taking a toll on my physically and emotionally. Thank goodness for our pediatrician and a Breastfeeding group I went to because without them I would have no idea I wasn't producing. After 6 long weeks my pediatrician told me not to nurse anymore and to pump exclusively and supplement. I pumped until he was 6 months and then used whatever stash I had there after. No one can explain how hard breastfeeding is until they've been through it themselves. You are doing a great job! Keep up the good work and kudos to your husband, their support is so important in these challenging weeks. It gets better everyday!
Arie, Dewa and Divya says
You're doing awesome!! I had the same experience with my daughter. She was 4 weeks early and had trouble latching on and staying awake at the breast. It was also excruciatingly painful for me when she did latch on. I would try to feed her, but most times I had to pump and syringe feed her. Thankfully after 3 or 4 weeks she and I both got the hang of it. She fed like a champ and and no more pain! I ended up nursing her for 22 months! I would highly recommend La Leche League. They are an awesome resource and a great group of women to lean on for encouragement.
Rachel Cloutier says
Thanks for posting this! I've been telling everyone that I think learning to breastfeed these past 2 weeks was harder than my labor! I've almost given up so many times but I think we're finally getting the hang of it. Luckily baby's first appt 2 days after leaving the hospital was with a lactation specialist/nurse practioner and that was the morning my milk came in. Thank god we saw her that day because I was in so much pain, so engorged she actually gave me 2 nipple shields. Those were my life savers!! I still use it from time to time if my nipples feel like they could use a break..I have yet to try pumping, I have the same Medela pump.. to be honest I'm a lil intimidated by it. I just don't know really where to start.. like when, how..
[email protected] says
Hi Rachel! Congrats on your baby 🙂 I am pumping a lot now because I need to know how much she's taking at feedings and because she is still a lazy nurser, even with the shield. I try to pump every 3 hours unless I am BF her. Then, I skip a pumping and wait until the next time. It looks intimidating but I like that I know how much I am producing.
Unknown says
Your experience with breastfeeding is pretty much identical to my experience with my first born. I ended up giving up on breastfeeding when my son was almost 2 months old. A little over a year later, I am now about to give birth to my second son and really want to try and give breastfeeding another shot. Reading your post on this has given me a lot of hope. Thank you for being so open about everything (especially on still supplementing a small amount, the nipple shield, and your emotions). It truly makes me feel not so alone and discouraged going into this birth.
Unknown says
Your experience with breastfeeding is pretty much identical to my experience with my first born. I ended up giving up on breastfeeding when my son was almost 2 months old. A little over a year later, I am now about to give birth to my second son and really want to try and give breastfeeding another shot. Reading your post on this has given me a lot of hope. Thank you for being so open about everything (especially on still supplementing a small amount, the nipple shield, and your emotions). It truly makes me feel not so alone and discouraged going into this birth.
Leigh says
Don't you just hate when you write out a comment and it erases before you can post it!… let's try this again.
Your breastfeeding experience is pretty much identical to my experience when breastfeeding with my first born. I ended up giving up when my son was almost 2 months old. A little over a year later, I am about to give birth to my second son and really want to try breastfeeding again. Reading your post is giving me a lot of hope this time around. Thank you for being so open and sharing everything you have (especially about still supplementing a small amount, using the nipple shields, and your emotions). You have really made me feel not so alone and encouraged going into this birth.
peter andersen says
You've really got a great blog. Nice and very '2014'. I've seen a website which fits to your blog as well; https://tepelbedekkers.nl. You might want to ask them some samples?