This is a post that’s difficult for me to write because like most new mothers, I’m devastated that I have to go back to work tomorrow. Twelve weeks just doesn’t seem like enough time. You’re just settling into motherhood and your baby is looking at you, smiling at you, rolling over and starting to grasp toys—and it’s so exciting to watch your baby develop right before your eyes…and then suddenly you go from those blissful days of being with this new life 24/7 and you have to start a whole new routine—one that involves being away from your baby eight plus hours a day.
I haven’t been away from Harper for more than 1-3.5 hours or so since she was born, other than the time I was in the hospital for my emergency surgery, and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve left the house on my own in the past three months (to go to the doctor/dermatologist, one evening event and to run out for groceries and get my hair colored and cut before returning to work). Every time I left the house, even for a short time, I kept remembering the clock was ticking and my time with her is limited (that’s why I love that a lot of things can be accomplished online these days during Harper’s naps—from paying bills to ordering practically everything I need in life on Amazon).
Going back to work after 12 weeks is an especially hard pill for me to swallow because as a Canadian, I grew up in a country that offers a one year maternity leave and all of my friends from back home get to have that wonderful year to be with their babies (by the way, if you are Canadian, the worst thing you can say to a mom that doesn’t get as much leave as you do is “I can’t believe you have to leave your baby that early!”). I’m a Canadian living in the US, by choice, and those same incredible benefits just don’t exist here and I don’t think they ever will, which is incredibly unfortunate. Imagine how much more productive women would be in the workplace if they didn’t return to work absolutely exhausted and emotionally fragile (well, that’s how I feel, at least). I realize some US women don’t even get 12 weeks of leave which is a sad reflection on our society, but it is what it is.
The silver lining is that my husband is taking two weeks vacation to watch Harper before she enters daycare. Originally, we had planned for him to take an entire month off (he has a lot of vacation time saved up since we didn’t travel when I was pregnant) but right after Harper was born, Kevin got a major promotion at work so we decided the timing wasn’t right. I’m so proud of how hard he works for our family.
I feel blessed that Kevin will have this special bonding time with Harper as I transition back to work. I know a lot of moms who write pages and pages of instructions for their husbands or other family members, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how natural fatherhood has been for Kevin. I’m not sure he had even held a baby before Harper was born and yet he cares for her like it’s second nature for him and just loves being a dad. And I know he misses her when he’s gone at work all day so it’s wonderful they will get to have this extra time together.
I have very mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand, I love my job and feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment and satisfaction via the work that I do and on the other hand, I love Harper so much and love being there every second of the day that leaving her seems too overwhelming to process. I wonder how I’ll even function with how exhausted I feel many days (Harper sleeps for 7-8 hours but I stay up late to pump and wake up in the middle of the night to pump to keep my supply up). There’s some comfort in knowing that all new moms feel this way going back to work (although I’ve also heard of moms being really glad to go back to work—I’m just not there at all). I have a co-worker and friend who had her babies 10 days before Harper was born so it’s nice to have someone who understands and is going through the same thing.
A few nights ago, I was giving Harper her nighttime bath and when I wrapped her into her hooded towel she looked so tiny and I just had a little bit of a meltdown. I cried that I didn’t want to go back and I didn’t want to leave her and how could I be away from her, etc… it’s hard. After talking to some of my mommy friends, I know this feeling is completely normal and that it’s actually not that bad once you get into the routine of going back to work.
Ultimately, we decided that me returning to work was the best option for our family. When I was pregnant, it wasn’t even a question. I always wanted to work outside of the home. Then I had her and everything changed and I momentarily contemplated a life of being home with her all the time and that life seemed pretty incredible but it also came with its own set of risks. I think ever since my husband was laid off in 2009, it has made us extra paranoid about job stability and the economy and although things are wonderful now and we are so blessed to both have jobs, you just never know and I don’t know if it’s a risk we’re willing to take, especially as we’re growing our family.
Harper will start daycare at the beginning of September. The daycare she is going to comes highly recommended by a lot of friends and gets fantastic reviews. Harper is a fairly easy-going baby so I hope she will be happy and thrive there and I’m excited for the socialization she will get with other babies. The daycare has lots of activities for baby’s development and they also take the babies on stroller rides everyday. We go to orientation soon so I hope that will help us feel even more confident in our decision.
I’m hoping and praying that I’ll find a way to have balance at work and at home. A way to feel fulfilled both as a mother and as a woman with a career. If you are a working mom and have any words of wisdom or just want to share your experience, please leave me a comment below! I also want to thank everyone for their support. Quite a few of you have sent emails and notes of encouragement on Instagram and I really appreciate it 🙂
Patricia Eckley says
It's such a hard thing going back. I am Canadian and even though I got a year with both my kids I ended up going back early because, very unexpectedly, my replacement passed away in her sleep. My employer never asked but since I knew I was returning to work and I loved my job it was something I needed to do. My husband was able to take a few months off and he loved the summer he got with our kids.
Tomorrow will be hard, but you will be so excited to get out of the car that you will probably sprint to do the door. I still do that when I pick them up from daycare and my daughter is turning 4 in a couple of weeks.
Patricia Cox says
I'm so sorry you have to be away from your sweetie. You can take comfort in knowing you are teaching her how to be a strong Mama one day.
I-emailed you the other day about a little boy in my family with cancer. I would really appreciate with all my heart if you could find time to read it and reply.
Thank you, Ms Veronika.
Alexis Allen says
It will be tough, but will get easier each day. My son went into daycare fulltime at 11 weeks – he was still so itty-bitty! And I breastfed/pumped for 13 months, so I know exactly what you're entering into, with the pumping at work, packing bottles every morning…pumping at work 2-3x/day can be disruptive to your job, but it made me feel connected to my son even when I was away from him…and I actually got to read some books (10 minutes a day, 3 times a day I would read my Kindle, it was actually a nice little break:) Miles (my son) absolutely loved daycare and seeing 2 other little babies every day…and his sleep vastly improved as soon as he started, he was just getting so much more stimulation! Good luck, and know that loving your job will make the transition so much easier (I couldn't imagine leaving my child to go to a job I hate, but I was fortunate like you to actually enjoy my profession, which I think makes a world of difference).
Elaine Chan says
I also returned to work full time after 12 weeks. Focus on the positive side! The younger the baby, the easier the transition from home to day care. Also, Harper will be learning so much at day care that she wouldn't be learning from home. And in fact, kids are enjoying their time at day care/ school more than at home. It's more fun and less boring! I'd have to warn you though, kids get sick a lot when they first start day care/ school. Especially Harper is starting in September, Fall/ Winter is pretty bad. Be ready to take some sick leave/ family leave to stay home with Harper.
http://www.thefamilyoflove.com
Lisa & Zach says
Hi Veronika!
This is my first time commenting on the blog, but I just wanted to let you know that I am also a working mother with a 15 month old in daycare. The thought of my little girl in daycare used to scare the crap out of me, but let me just tell you that it is the best thing that could have happened for both me & my daughter. For one, you will appreciate your time with her so much more once you get home from work. You will have missed her so much that you will actually want to change diapers & do all of those little things that you may not necessarily enjoy doing at the moment. Also I cannot even tell you how much my kid has developed by being around other children every day. Our daycare keeps her on a great schedule which she thrives on Another great thing is that daycare has gotten her to do a few things that I have not been able to do. Like they can get her eating better than me sometimes, simply b/c she will try & push my buttons at times & see what all she can get away with, but with her "teachers" she looks at them differently – and I think that is great. It is always hard to leave her, especially after spending the weekend with her, but I feel so much better when I see her hold her arms out for one of her teachers to take her. AND nothing beats that feeling of going to get her after a stressful day at work & she come running to me arms opened :). Good Luck tomorrow it will definitely be a difficult day, but I promise IT DOES GET BETTER!
Oh and none of my comments are to say being a working mother is better than being a stay at home Mom. If I had the option to be a SAHM, I certainly would be. However, if that is not in the cards for you, it is nice to know that there are some good things that come along with being away from your child a large portion of the week.
Take care,
Lisa
Margaret Ko says
I am 36 and to this day, my mom still apologizes to me for putting me in daycare when I was young because both she and my dad had to work full time and didn't have any family I could stay with during the day. Honestly, I don't remember any of the time that I was in daycare, but I do admire my mom for working so hard for her family and sacrificing so much. Harper will also likely not remember any of this time that she was in daycare, but she will equally admire and look up to the strong momma that you are, for being such a dedicated mom while you were at home AND a strong working independent woman when you're working outside of the home. Those are the things that she will remember and cherish!
Margaret Ko says
I am 36 and to this day, my mom still apologizes to me for putting me in daycare when I was young because both she and my dad had to work full time and didn't have any family I could stay with during the day. Honestly, I don't remember any of the time that I was in daycare, but I do admire my mom for working so hard for her family and sacrificing so much. Harper will also likely not remember any of this time that she was in daycare, but she will equally admire and look up to the strong momma that you are, for being such a dedicated mom while you were at home AND a strong working independent woman when you're working outside of the home. Those are the things that she will remember and cherish!
Lonnie eL. says
Here in Czech Republic, mothers always have 3 years of maternity leave :). Just be strong :). Your little girl is so cute and pretty 🙂
Coco says
It will be ok, truly! The night before is the worst, the anticipation of it. But I found once I got into the groove, it wasn't so bad. Sawyer LOVES daycare and gravitates towards the kids when I drop him off. He went back at 13 weeks. He has been in daycare for 4 weeks now and is thriving. He's making all sorts of new noises and is more social.
Pumping at work takes some getting used to. I find I'm busy with work and forget to pump. Maybe set a timer so you don't forget?
A tip is to prep as much as you can the night before. That way, you just have to load up your car in the morning. I still have to clean pump parts in the morning, but I can have my lunch and bottles ready to go the night before.
You'll be ok, I promise!
Coco says
It will be ok, truly! The night before is the worst, the anticipation of it. But I found once I got into the groove, it wasn't so bad. Sawyer LOVES daycare and gravitates towards the kids when I drop him off. He went back at 13 weeks. He has been in daycare for 4 weeks now and is thriving. He's making all sorts of new noises and is more social.
Pumping at work takes some getting used to. I find I'm busy with work and forget to pump. Maybe set a timer so you don't forget?
A tip is to prep as much as you can the night before. That way, you just have to load up your car in the morning. I still have to clean pump parts in the morning, but I can have my lunch and bottles ready to go the night before.
You'll be ok, I promise!
Salima says
I'm a working mom in the states and I barely got 12 weeks of maternity leave which I had to fight my company for, which is sad given the fact that I worked for one of the top financial companies in the world. I can remember feeling the same as you: sadness and devasation at the thought of going back to work. I suffered from post-partum so it was even worse for me. The first day I dropped my baby off at daycare was the worst and it got slightly easier as time passed, but I never was fully comfortbale with it. I cried the entire drive to work. Once I got to work, I sat down at my cubicile, and cried some more. I couldn't wait for the end of the day to pick my baby up and it was the moment I lived for each working day. We had our baby stay at a daycare near home, so it was convenient. But we had a bad experience while they cared for our child. At one point they dropped him and he had a huge knot on his head for weeks. Needless to say, we eventually took him out of daycare. Also, I hated the fact that strangers were taking care of my child. I'm his mother and it's my responsibility to take care of him. To make matters worse, he would cry for me when I dropped him off and that made me feel completely horrible. With that said, every mother's experience is different. I hope that Harper receives the best care at her daycare. And the only advice I can give is to take each day at a time. It will get easier. But always remember your decision to go back to work is the best decision you had to make to ensure you can financially have the stability to give Harper everything she needs. That was my reason for going back to work- I needed the money and without it, how could I take care of my child?
Chelsea Mac says
It sounds as if I have a similar story as you; I always wanted to go back to work after having peanut. I love my job and career, but it is still very very hard to go back to work. I have found a mixed bag in that in some ways it gets easier (the education that peanut gets at daycare is tremendous and he has a ton of fun and is loved by the women who care for him) and in some ways it is hard (the more aware he is that I am dropping him off for the day, the more difficult it is to leave). I have made peace with the fact that this is what is the best and right for our family and I am happy with that. It simply makes me treasure and enjoy time with him more after work and on the weekends. Good luck! I am sure that you will strike the right balance and make it work!
E Hayes says
Just want to say good luck! I commend working moms… not that the job is any easier for stay at home moms, just a different bag of tricks. I feel blessed to stay home, but understand the moms who go back by choice or necessity. Either way, it can't be easy. I hope the day go quickly and you settle into a routine easily!
Allison61 says
As a working mom here in Canada, even though I did take the year off it's never easy going back to work. I cried, thought about staying home, cried some more … they practically had to tel me to leave the day I dropped my daughter off at daycare. But I know it's hard now, but you do get into a routine and things get better with time. Our daycare was great about taking pictures and documenting things with our daughter. Hope you have a good day back to work, and I'm thinking about you!
Rachel says
I'll be praying for you tomorrow! God will give you the strength you need during this time! Just lean on Him!
sunshineyou says
Good luck 🙂 It gets easier, but honestly I'm still pulled to want to stay at home and not work. And this is after two children. I think it's a sacrifice either way (staying home vs. working), so you have to do what's best for your family. If I could stay home I would….I've thought about it every day since I had my first 4.5 years ago. I'm not much help, I know 🙂 But it is nice to have some of your "own" time away from the baby.
Lara Leite says
As a fellow Canadian now living in Bermuda where we also only get 3 months, I just wanted to say that I totally understand how you feel! The fact that your husband is able to watch her until September is awesome too!
My advice would be to have open communication with your daycare. If there are things you're concerned about, ASK. Don't be afraid to call at lunch to check on her either. My son's daycare also had what we called a Communication Book, which was a notebook that they wrote in each day to tell me how his day went and if he needed anything etc. And at night I could write in it to ask questions and/or request they do things. His daycare teacher also offered me advice on situations that was invaluable. After all she's seen it all when it comes to rashes, colds, mannerisms, development, you name it!
Good luck! As everyone has told you I'm sure, it does get easier and there's no greater reward than seeing your child grow and learn with their classmates! (my son has learned so much that daycare has taught him!)
Meg O. says
Oh, V, you know how I feel about this. It is so tough going back, but it does get easier. But who am I kidding? This post is making me feel all teary eyed because today is my first day back at work after the summer break. I feel like this time around it's a new kind of hard because Kennedy has started asking for me when I'm not around and we have really built a bond over the summer. This is the third time I have gone through this (the whole 'going back to work' thing) – once when maternity leave was over, then the summer, then again this summer. It is so hard each time. I am here for you if you ever need to vent because I know exactly how you feel. You're so blessed to have an amazing support system. You will be great! Being a working mother is one of the toughest jobs to do because you not only work, but doing a lot of the same things that SAHMs do, as well. It takes a strong woman, and you totally are. I will say a prayer for you and your first day back tomorrow!
Lara Leite says
As a fellow Canadian who has moved to Bermuda and only gets 3 months also I felt compelled to post a comment (although I've followed for a while).
My advice is to have open communication with your daycare. When in question, ASK! I also called on my lunch hour every other day or so to check in on him and see if everything was alright. I really got to know his teacher and it proved to be invaluable. I feel like she really loved him like her own and in turn provided me with little tips and suggestions on his care that i'll be forever grateful for. once he got old enough I could see their relationship had really grown to a great/close one when he would stretch out his arms in the morning to go to her. I then knew he was truly happy there and it made going to work even easier!
All in all, yes, it's not easy, but i always say, Happy mom is a happy family. If you enjoy working outside of the home it's important that you do that for you, because it will make you happier for Harper and Kevin. It's not easy at first, but when you see her grow and learn with her classmates you'll be so proud of her! (My son learned so many things that I give direct credit to his daycare for)
Good Luck!!
Amber B. says
Hang in there! I couldn't even imagine….we are discussing putting the quads in Mother's Day Out next year and even that revelation already has my mind buzzing with questions and concerns. I've worked so hard to grow these babies then care for them as preemies to what they are now, and it's difficult for me to hand the reins to someone else, even for just a few hours a week. In the past year, I've only been away two overnights and 4-5 hour outings at a time at most. You're doing a great job and I'm sure it's going to be a whole new lesson in balancing out your new life with work and a baby, but I've no doubt you'll get the hang of it soon. Oh, and thank the Lord for Amazon. We order things off there all the time!
Mary E. says
Oh my gosh, I feel like crying and I don't even have a baby yet. My husband and I are about to start trying and I've already starting researching daycares and feeling anxious. I know I will have to go back to work for financial reasons. And budgeting in the high cost of daycare gives me tons of anxiety. I know it will all be worth if I can be blessed with a child. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.
Megan says
It's hard stuff leaving your little one to go to work but you will do great, Momma! We have family and a family friend that all watch Sofia and I work from home 1 day a week – I think it strengthens our bond having a little time away from one another. Good luck! I'm hear if you have any questions or need to vent 🙂
xx
Megan
https://hellonewlywedlife.blogspot.com/2013/08/whats-in-our-diaper-bag.html
Rebecca says
I don't have a child but I thought I could give you the other perspective. My mother went back after I was 2-months old and worked at least part-time all through my childhood and my father worked long hours too. In the end it was more fulfilling for her to work and contribute. And I never felt like I was missing out on her (I mean, I guess I had nothing to compare it too) but she was always there for me; I always looked up to her as a role model for working and was proud of her. I don't remember my sister (2 yrs younger than me – also only at home for 2 months) or me ever missing her or wishing she was around more because we always felt like she was there. She picked us up, knew our friends, was overprotective, made our lunches, drove us to dance/piano, got us from school when we were sick, etc. Yes, later sometimes we were the last kids waiting for her to pick us up but we knew it was for a reason. Eventually, I guess we demanded too much time and she switched to part-time as our activities ramped up. Either choice has its pros and cons but now as a 25-yr old I can see what a strong work ethic among other things she instilled in me.
Francis says
I really feel for you, because I've been there. With my first 10 years ago it wasn't so bad because I took 4 months off and then only went back part time while my mother watched her at home. I knew she was in good hands. Fast forward 8 years later, after it took us a long time to get pregnant which included a miscarriage, that changed everything. I no longer cared about working in a corporate setting and climbing the ladder. It just didn't matter anymore coupled with the fact that I missed out on a lot with my first (mainly my fault). So with Layla I took the standard time off plus a little extra and I remember the dread I felt the night before having to go back to work. I cried a lot. The first day was the hardest but each day got easier. Like you, my husband was home with the girls the first couple weeks. You will be tired (I was up twice a night still) and you will be busy once you get home, but you will manage and find a routine that works for you. When I went back to work though, in the back of my mind I was already getting my ducks in a row and saving a little so I could stay at home comfortably. When Layla was 7 months old I quit (Last day was 12/11) and it was the best decision I ever made. I also started thinking about a way I could still bring in a little income for my family with my love for creating and sewing. Now with 3 girls..even though things can get crazy, I still love being at home with them.
Don't let anybody make you feel bad in regards to your decision about working away from home, or staying at home. You do what's best for your family. If you find that your heart is just not into it later, well then you can re-evaluate. I've been on both sides of the fence and both have their highs and their lows. The parenting guilt comes no matter what you do in life lol.
The Grass Skirt Blog says
Aw. I am a stay at home mom, and I don't know what I would do if I had to leave my baby boy to go to work. I have MANY friends who do it though, and they all say that it actually makes them appreciate the time that they have with their babies even more. My best advice would be to enjoy the time with your little girl when you are home. And if you ever want to know what it is like to stay at home all day with a baby, feel free to ask! It is a lot more fun than it probably sounds. 🙂
The Grass Skirt
Butterfly Kisses says
I wish you the best of luck tomorrow, my daughter is 10 months now and I had 11 weeks off with my 8 from c section and 3 from vacation and sick time I saved up. It definitely was not enough. I talked to my boss about how I was feeling and we came to a happy medium- I am in the office half days and work from home in the afternoons and will soon just be working part time. Just wanted to share there are also other options besides the black and white, work-or stay at home mom. I enjoy your blog and have loved seeing you blossom as a wonderful mother. Take care and God bless!
Jen says
I wish you all the best in your return to work tomorrow! I have done it twice with two little ones, taking twelve weeks off each time. With my first child, I felt the same way you are feeling now. I never thought I wanted to be a SAHM but once my daughter was born I couldn't imagine leaving her. When I returned to work I proposed a four-day schedule. The schedule was finally approved when my daughter was almost a year old and it has made all the difference. I have three whole days at home with my children and my time away at work too. Try to think of all of your options – maybe you can have a little bit of both worlds!
Erin says
Like others said, it's not easy to do, but it will get better! My daughter is 19 months now and some days are easier than others and I predict it will always be like that. What I do know is that she loves her teachers and is so happy to go to "school" every day and it brings me joy to see that. She's learning so much that I don't think I could teach her at home. I have a lot of admiration for SAHMs, but if you have a career you love and excel in, you have the best of both worlds. On your time off, you will be the best mommy you can be and cherish every moment that much more. Good luck tomorrow!
Christine says
Your story hits close to home for me because I was in the same situation this time last year. I had picked out a daycare, and cried and cried before my son was even born. After he was born there was no way I could leave him. We are not in a great place financially, and I was terrified something would happen and that we would lose our income, but I couldn't live with a "what if". Daycare around here is so expensive that it was almost half of my salary for someone else to raise my child. I ended up resigning, and everyone said they knew that was going to happen. I loved my job, but our babies grow up so fast. I was offered some work to do at home, so at least I'm bringing in some money. It's amazing, we actually ended up cutting back on small things (cable, groceries, gas), and ended up buying a new house.
Whatever you chose, it'll all work out in the end.
Margie says
I had hoped to take 12 weeks of maternity leave, but due to finances and my vacation time, was only able to take 9. While I was pregnant I thought it would be okay, but then I had to use 2 of those weeks on bedrest. Once our daughter was born she was in the NICU for a little over two weeks. When it came time for me to go back to work I was an absolute WRECK. I hated my job and I SO wasn't ready. I didn't even fit into my work clothes and had to borrow a new wardrobe from my sister. But, I took every day one day at a time.
Luckily, my husband was able to stay home with our daughter for the first few months (unluckily because he was unemployed), and he would send me pictures of her throughout the day. I'm pretty sure that's the only way I got through at the beginning. It gets WAY easier.
Our daughter was with family until 15 months and then transitioned to 3 days of daycare. I can't say enough good things about having her in the daycare center. She's caught her fair share of bugs, but I feel like she's made leaps and bounds as far as development goes.
So, my advice… Just realize that it's going to be really hard for a little while, and allow yourself to be sad. But, also allow yourself to enjoy yourself at work if you love what you do.
As my daughter has gotten older work is the only completely FREE time I have…
GOOD LUCK Tomorrow!
Margie says
I had hoped to take 12 weeks of maternity leave, but due to finances and my vacation time, was only able to take 9. While I was pregnant I thought it would be okay, but then I had to use 2 of those weeks on bedrest. Once our daughter was born she was in the NICU for a little over two weeks. When it came time for me to go back to work I was an absolute WRECK. I hated my job and I SO wasn't ready. I didn't even fit into my work clothes and had to borrow a new wardrobe from my sister. But, I took every day one day at a time.
Luckily, my husband was able to stay home with our daughter for the first few months (unluckily because he was unemployed), and he would send me pictures of her throughout the day. I'm pretty sure that's the only way I got through at the beginning. It gets WAY easier.
Our daughter was with family until 15 months and then transitioned to 3 days of daycare. I can't say enough good things about having her in the daycare center. She's caught her fair share of bugs, but I feel like she's made leaps and bounds as far as development goes.
So, my advice… Just realize that it's going to be really hard for a little while, and allow yourself to be sad. But, also allow yourself to enjoy yourself at work if you love what you do.
As my daughter has gotten older work is the only completely FREE time I have…
GOOD LUCK Tomorrow!
Page Zettlemoyer says
Due to financial and job-related reasons, I went back to work after 6 weeks. It was hands down the hardest thing I ever had to do – but it was the right decision for our family. That's the thing that gets you through the day, you're making the best decision for you, and as Harper grows, she'll get to see her mom go to a job that she loves. Good luck tomorrow, it does get easier!
Delia says
With two kids, I've done this twice. I won't lie, the first few weeks are rough. But you figure out a routine, cherish your weekends and all of a sudden it is normal. It isn't easy, but I don't think being a SAHM is easy either! Give her a lot of kisses, don't be afraid to cry for a few days, and know that she will be ok.
Also, if you don't have one, hire a housekeeper. After our first, we realized we didn't want to spend Saturday cleaning the house. We wanted to spend it with our baby – it is the best money I spend every two weeks.
Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner says
I will be in the same position as you in January, when it is time for me to go back to work after my maternity leave. My baby is due in 5 weeks and I already have such a hard time thinking about it but I know, as you know, what is best for your family. Harper will thrive in daycare and everyone says that it will get easier. I hope that the transition goes smoothly for you & your baby girl. How lucky she is to get 12 weeks with mama and 2 weeks with her daddy! 🙂
Chasity Munn says
I am interested to hear which daycare you guys chose. 🙂 I'll be thinking of you as you transition back to the worklace.
Emilie Rivera says
Hang in there, mama! You are such a loving mama & Harper is so lucky to have some daddy-daughter time. This post hits home with me. I went back to work this day exactly one year ago. The first day is definitely the hardest!! I cried the second I stepped out the door & probably every 15-20 minutes (I worked in retail & the sight of a baby really set off the waterworks that day!!). You're very blessed to have such an amazing support system both at home & at work. It'll help so much to have coworkers going through the same experiences and emotions. And I really admire you for being so strong and hardworking. And Harper will look up to her hardworking mommy too!! Job stability is tough…I actually got replaced at my job because I asked for time off to care for my daughter! And it's not easy as I look for something else. Good luck on your first day back. I'll keep you in my prayers. And thank you for sharing this post with us!!
xoxo
IG: emilierivera
sophiaroserivera.blogspot.com
Alex Gladwin says
Once tomorrow is out of the way, hopefully some of your fears and anxieties will begin to pass. I'm sure that Harper will probably love the social side of being in daycare and once you're home, you'll enjoy her even more than you do now. 🙂 xx
Alex
http://www.Bump-to-Baby.com
UK based Lifestyle & Parenting Blog
Emily says
I'm with you 100%, Veronika…my son was born in January, and I'm just going back to work a week from today, 8/26. Like you, I also love my job, but it's so hard to imagine being away from my son for such long stretches of time. I've been fortunate to have been home with him these past 7 months, but I find myself wishing from time to time that I could stay home longer. But I know my going back to work is the right decision for our family right now, so we'll see how it goes…
Wishing you luck for a smooth transition back to the grind! I look forward to hear how it goes 🙂
Pumpkin's Paradise says
It's going to be hard, but you can do it. I return to work in 2 weeks and am having an extremely hard time. I too wanted to continue working, but had a change of heart. I'm going back to work and plan to pray to the Lord every minute of everyday. Good luck!
Mary-Irene says
I vividly remember being in the exact same place as you are right now when I had my first. I was VERY fortunate in that I actually took more than 12 weeks, because I had a ton of vacation time to add on top of it, and I also took unpaid leave once my paid leave was over. My son was 6 months old when I returned to work. I was (and still am) madly, madly in love with him and felt torture over the thought of leaving him. Everything was so perfect in our little life. We had a routine. He was sitting up and interacting. I was enjoying our schedule, and I loved nursing. But, for similar reasons as yours, my husband and I decided the best decision for our family was for me to return to work. It was incredibly difficult at first. He really enjoyed daycare and being with other babies, but got very sick his first year. He caught every cold and stomach bug that went through the place and unfortunately my husband and I did too! It was a tough year because I was either home with him because he was sick- or I was sick too, but it was the best thing we ever did. Both of our boys have gone through daycare, and they are used to routine and having activity throughout the day. They make friends that last them a lifetime. God bless you and your family. Everything will be OK.
Amy says
I recently went back to work also (I had 10 weeks of maternity leave). Unfortunately my husband was laid off recently so he is staying at home to take care of my daughter (Clara), I'm actually glad he gets to take care of her so we can postpone starting daycare. It was tough being away from her everyday but she was fine and happy without me during the day. I spend most of my time after work cuddling with her as much as I can. Try not to feel guilty (I still do sometimes but I also love my job – I get to see babies all day as a neo..just not my own!) and good luck with the transition!
Unknown says
Be nice to yourself – if you have a somewhat flexible job, leave early your first couple of days. Don't feel like you "have" to do certain things at certain times – if packing everything the night before works, then do that, but if not, give yourself the flexibility to find a different routine. Things will change as your daughter grows and the more you can adapt, the better off all of you will be.
My two year old started daycare at 14 weeks and she has *thrived* there. They have activities for 3 month olds that you would never think to do – I honestly felt like the teachers gave her more than I would have at home.
And lastly, try not to give in to guilt – you are doing what is best for your family, and setting a great example for your daughter in doing so. Good luck!
Brie says
I promise–the anticipation is way worse than the reality of the first day back!
Daycare has been AMAZING for my son, and my mental health as well. As much as I loved being home for awhile, it was nice to be out with adults, use my brain and skills, and remember why I loved my job. And C has great little baby friends, and his teachers truly adore him. Plus, I find myself much more present and appreciative when we're together, since time is somewhat limited.
It does take a village to raise a child–and daycare is just another part of our village!
Caz Wilson says
Ever since I saw Sheryl Sandberg's TED talk where she says "Once you have a child at home, your job better be really good to go back because it's hard to leave that kid at home" it's got me thinking all about this. Your journey has been wonderful to watch and I don't think you would be human if you didn't have some anxiety over this.
The one thing we can't get back is time and so I say, go back to work, if you don't want to be there then figure something else out. I look to Jessica Garvin who was able to stay at home with her Harper and I think mentioned something about going part time. If you don't like missing out on the time, you can always figure something else out. I don't think it's so black and white, work or be a SAHM anymore which is what is so great about this time.
No matter what, good luck for tomorrow!
Tracey says
I too just returned from 12 weeks maternity leave. It was my second child, but even after doing it once before it never gets any easier. I thought it was because of er time in the NICU and being so small, but I think it would have been just as hard if she were 12 lbs! I don't know if it an option for you, but I brown bag my lunch and eat at my dek so I can spend my lunch break with her at daycare. It helps me get to knw her teachers better and just spend THAT much more time with her. I did it with my son until he was old enough to cry when I would leave to o back to work. Also, eat oatmeal and the nature valley bars to help with your milk. I pump about 40ml more after I eat one of these! I usually save hm for my snacks and pump about an hour after. I also read dark beer can help (Sam Adams). They sell alcohol testers or your milk to give you peace of mind if you drink!
Joanna Rivera says
i actually took a year and a half off work before i started looking for work again. i took advantage since my husband was working at a very good job. so we both decided i can stay home and i loved it! after that i just worked full time and my husband got off early to watch our son after my mom did in the morning and then later i switched to part time to spend more time again with my son.
Joanna Rivera says
i actually took a year and a half off work and then looked for work after. at the time my husband had a good paying job so we decided i could stay home then after that i got a full time job and he would get off work at 3 and watch our son after my mother did in the morning. later i switched to part time work so i could spend more time with our son. if you feel strongly about wanting more time to stay home look into seeing if you can work part time for a couple months as you transition.
Marionberry Style says
Oh gosh…Well, I was going to leave a long comment but it seems as though everyone else has already left suuuuper long comments. So I'll keep this short.
It's hard but it's going to be great. You're right about the socialization part. Cooper watches other kids at his day school do thinks like eat with utensils and crawl and he wants to copy them…so cool!
Big hug from a new mommy who was where you are standing just a few months ago!! 🙂
xo – Marion
Renee says
Big big hugs.
Its never going to be easy to leave your baby regardless of their age and like you, I had to go back sooner than I was ready because it was the best thing overall for our family.
I still find it hard 9 months later to be away from my boy but I also am a better mum too I think because now, the time I spend with E is quality and I maximise every moment rather than take it a little for granted like I did when home. I also have more patience and am probably more fun too because I want to make every second the best.
Be prepared to let some things at home slide for a bit while you settle in including chores, cooking etc and lists are your best friend.
xx
Lauren says
Good luck going back! I don't have kids, so I can't imagine how hard that is.
I just wanted to say that your sweet little girl makes the CUTEST faces and to thank you for sharing her with us. She really put a smile on my face this morning when I needed it.
Tree Hugging Attorney says
I work for the federal government and we get NO paid maternity leave. At all. We can use accrued sick leave and annual leave, but, for someone like me that has been working here for ~2 years, that doesn't amount to much. Though I'm incredibly grateful to get 12 weeks off and not have to worry about my job being given away, about half of that time will be ZERO income. Which adds so much (unnecessary) stress. It is amazing to me that women in Canada get a full year. I feel like that would make such a tremendous difference in society.
Try not to stress about taking Harper to daycare. I went to daycare at 8 weeks old (gotta love USA policies!) – but don't remember any of it. Not to mention that even my mom (who is a nanny) recommends daycare at some point of every child's life (be it as an infant or later in a montessori-type setting) to help with socialization, etc. I've been reading your blog for about a year now, and you are a VERY good mother.
Tree Hugging Attorney says
I work for the federal government and we get NO paid maternity leave. At all. We can use accrued sick leave and annual leave, but, for someone like me that has been working here for ~2 years, that doesn't amount to much. Though I'm incredibly grateful to get 12 weeks off and not have to worry about my job being given away, about half of that time will be ZERO income. Which adds so much (unnecessary) stress. It is amazing to me that women in Canada get a full year. I feel like that would make such a tremendous difference in society.
Try not to stress about taking Harper to daycare. I went to daycare at 8 weeks old (gotta love USA policies!) – but don't remember any of it. Not to mention that even my mom (who is a nanny) recommends daycare at some point of every child's life (be it as an infant or later in a montessori-type setting) to help with socialization, etc. I've been reading your blog for about a year now, and you are a VERY good mother.
Jessica's Little Women says
I found that there was no way I could do it. I ended up staying home and haven't looked back. My oldest just entered high school (it happened SO FAST!) and I can honestly say we haven't missed the salary I could have brought in at all. Sure, there was a little bit of extra financial planning, but it wasn't that difficult, especially with the elimination of day care costs. The time with her was too precious and it really went by with a blink. If you could swing part time, I would look into it, at least until she's in school! I promise, the last thing I want to do is add sadness and guilt to an already difficult decision, but I do want to encourage you to look at all of your options because your time with her will go by faster than you can ever imagine.
Shadia Brown says
Oh Vernonika, I know exactly the feeling. You're going to cry, miss Harper like crazy, and you definitely won't be able to concentrate at work for at least a couple of weeks. Good news is, it does get easier. Take pics of her to work, talk to your coworkers a lot and don't be afraid to cry at work. It will make you feel a million times better. Also, don't hesitate to be calling daycare a couple of times a day to check on her, they will completely understand and reassure you that she's okay. When you do go take your daycare tour ask a million questions (I'm sure you already have all this planned). I asked questions from what do you have them do during the day to how did they warm up the breastmilk & formula (I've always warmed up the bottle in a container with water and NEVER in the microwave) so that was super important for me to make sure they did it how I wanted them to. You're paying and although they take good care of your baby, she's YOUR baby so don't be afraid to ask them to do things a certain way. Most importantly, remember that if and when you're feeling sad at work, think about how you are providing for Harper and what a great job you've done! Not all of us have the priviledge to be stay-at-home moms but we are providing for them in a different way. And like a lot of mamas say, you'll definitely enjoy the time you have with her a lot more. Good luck! You'll be just fine.
Mimi says
I've read your blog for years but have never commented. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this post, as well as the one on exclusively pumping. I had my son two weeks ago and can definitely relate. I only get 6 weeks of maternity leave from my employer (I'm a teacher) and even though I have the summers off and am not on contract time now, my leave clock has already started. I wish I could push my leave back to start when I report to work so I could have 3 more weeks with my little man but I can't. And despite the fact that I have plenty of leave to cover an additional 6 weeks of leave, I'd only be able to take them if I took unpaid leave under FMLA. It breaks my heart that he has to go to daycare at just over a month old but our provider comes highly recommended by numerous families. I've already had a breakdown about having to leave him even though I LOVE my job.
I'm also so overwhelmed about pumping when I get back to work. I have no control over getting breaks during the school day and I don't have enough time to pump during lunch (we only get 20 mins) so I'm already stressed about how to make it work. Your posts make me feel better and that what I'm feeling is completely normal. Thank you so much for sharing with us, and I hope you had a good first day back!
Shannon Kerns says
Good luck Veronika! Another honest and open post which is a HUGE part of why I follow you.
https://brasshoney.blogspot.com/?m=1
Heather says
I'm a working mom and I promise it gets easier. Hang in there.
Sarah S. says
Don't worry, you'll be strong enough, I know it! It's hardest at first, and Mondays are always hard… but eventually you'll get into this new routine and it'll be okay. I know because I've been back at work since Evy was 8 weeks… we are now 6 months into her daycare life and she only cries when her Mama leaves her some of the time 😉 She's comfortable with strangers and has only gotten two colds this entire time 🙂 Hugs!
Susanna N. says
Hugs to you today! I remember that first day of having my daughter in daycare and it was SO hard. I think I cried every morning when I left her for the first 2 weeks. Today, I dropped her off at her first day of kindergarten and I'm sorry to say that it was not much easier than her first day of daycare. Just like it did when she went to daycare, it will get easier every day. At least that is what I am telling myself! 🙂
LT says
hey v,
just wanted to wish you well today…hope it's going as smoothly as it can.
my mantra for things like this: "life is a series of sacrifices and gains". something an old manager used to say, and i find it helpful & calming when i'm trying to figure out those Big Things in life.
big hug!
Life Is Good says
I have been through the exact same thing. I know how you feel. Just remember that it's good that you feel this way. One thing that I did that made things easier was investing in a good crock-pot and becoming familiar with some yummy recipes. I put dinner together in the morning and after I got home from a very long day of work it was done. I could focus just on my family. Good luck my friend and thank you for always being so candid and honest.
natasha {schue love} says
It's so hard in the beginning but you'll figure out a routine that works best for you. Having Kevin at home will help tremendously for the transition. Soon you'll see how much she learns and grows in daycare and is socialized and that will make you happy too. Good luck and email me anytime if you need support. I know how hard it is…trust me!
Luba Lovely says
That is so wonderful that Kevin will get to spend some time with Harper! I think we all make choices that are so difficult and we sacrifice either way.
We literally picked up and moved when I was 6 months pregnant from Seattle, WA to sunny Florida. I knew in my heart that I wanted to live closer to family so she gets to experience the joys of grandparents. It was the way I grew up and I loved my childhood! It has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. Tons of moving from place to place, but all in all it has been an adventure and I wouldn't change anything. Sure we moved here with no jobs but one thing we had was faith, and it got it far. Life is always unexpected and we take it how it comes. We can plan but sometimes it's ok to change it too.
I help my hubs with our family business which saves us a ton by not hiring office help. I still get to use my skills and plus be home with my daughter (second on the way, yay!!). I think if you love your job then do what makes you happy. In the end, it doesn't really matter what everyone thinks.
Hope you had a great day back at work!
Luba
http://www.lubalovely.com
Catherine G. says
I SO remember this. I only got 6 weeks and took an additional week unpaid for a total of 7 weeks. I was devastated to go back! I cried the second I handed her off and left several hours early to go pick her up. It did get easier as I fell into the routine of work. Every now and then, she'll cry when I drop her off and beg for me to get her (she's almost 3 now) and it takes me back. But I love my job and believe in the work that I do, and my daughter is making wonderful friends. Her teachers are amazing and I know it was the right decision for us. I also earn more than my husband, so I needed to go back haha. But really, it does get better. Hang in there and enjoy your time both at work and with Harper!
daisy garcia says
I couldn't help but leave a comment. I agree 100% that women should get more time off after having a baby. I feel for all of us that have to work while our children are so young. I feel like we both miss out on so much! My daughter just started kindergarten two days ago and I had a massive crying attack in my car when I left her at school. I had to rush out and get to work and didn't get to finish listening to what her teacher was telling all the parents. Luckily, my husband stayed but I just wished it could have been me. It does get easier and they really do learn so much while they are in school. But you will definitely have moments when you will get mad at the world because you have to work and other moms get to stay home. I think as time goes on, you learn to find a balance and things just start falling into place. Best of luck with work and motherhood!
daisy garcia says
I couldn't help but leave a comment. I agree 100% that women should get more time off after having a baby. I feel for all of us that have to work while our children are so young. I feel like we both miss out on so much! My daughter just started kindergarten two days ago and I had a massive crying attack in my car when I left her at school. I had to rush out and get to work and didn't get to finish listening to what her teacher was telling all the parents. Luckily, my husband stayed but I just wished it could have been me. It does get easier and they really do learn so much while they are in school. But you will definitely have moments when you will get mad at the world because you have to work and other moms get to stay home. I think as time goes on, you learn to find a balance and things just start falling into place. Best of luck with work and motherhood!
Jenn P says
beautiful post. you know what's right for you and your family. you're already doing an outstanding job as a mommy. It really suits you. ~Jenn
http://www.twobytwomom.com
Daniel Efosa Uyi says
nice post take hearts and you will find yourself re-getting used to working once again
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you see, there are 2 blogs that i've found so far to be very helpful and have something interesting for me whenever i visit, this one and https://danieluyi.com
Keep up the good work you're doing here.
Christina Rienzo says
I've been following your blog for awhile, but I just came across this post and I'm so happy I did. I had my daughter in October and will be going back to work at the beginning of January, and can relate so much to how you were feeling. While I was pregnant it was never a question of if I would go back to work, it was something I knew I was going to do, but since having Sofia, staying home seems so appealing. Like you said, we are just now getting into a routine, she is smiling at me, etc. and it makes it that much harder to think about leaving her. I had my first meltdown last week when I went to her daycare to pick up some paperwork (it was the first time I had been there since being pregnant) and when I got back in my car I just cried and cried. I also love my job (I'm a teacher) and feel very rewarded in the work that I do. Overall, I know going back to work is what is best for our family and am excited for the socialization and learning Sofia will do at daycare, but I can't help but feel so sad about not spending all day with her anymore. Thank you so so much for sharing this, you really are an inspiration, and it helps so much knowing other mamas feel the same way. xoxo Christina
[email protected] says
Hi Christina, thanks so much for your comment. I promise it gets better and I promise no matter what choice you make, there are pros and cons to each choice/situation. I know how you feel, though, it's so hard at first. It's still hard some days. But I do see how my daughter Harper is thriving, and that brings me some peace. Here is another piece I wrote about being a working mom: https://southernmamaandchild.com/2014/09/real-mama-stories-veronika-on-going-back-to-work/ xoxo -V