It was a very difficult week for our family. We said goodbye to our sweet Lulu, who was with us for 13 years on this earth. I still remember the day I took him home and all of our adventures in between. He was like a tiny blonde ball of fluff with the sweetest little face you’d ever seen.
Lulu suffered from numerous health problems that started with his liver about five years ago. He was on medication for this and had regular visits to the vet to check his liver enzyme levels, which would sometimes continue to rise even on medication, but they were unable to come to a conclusive diagnosis. This year, we also learned he had an enlarged heart and started to suffer from seizures. He was put on medication for the seizures and they worked for a while to stop them.
Lulu lived with my wonderful in-laws for the last two years which is something I never blogged about because I felt a lot of guilt about it (and still do). I was afraid of the comments, judgment and shaming. It’s never an easy decision to make, but it wasn’t fair for him to be alone all day when his medical conditions were worsening and then have to be kept separated from the kids when we got home from work/school, since his aggression started to become progressively worse. We did work with a behaviorist in the past to try and remedy this, but our attempts were not successful.
While I’m at peace with this decision, knowing it was the best thing for him, I’ll never stop feeling guilty about it. I will forever be grateful to my incredible in-laws for all of the love and care they provided for him. As he got older, he had to be on all kinds of medications that had to be given to him at certain times throughout the day (and it was not easy to get him to take his meds). He also had to go potty more frequently and had decreased vision and hearing. Had he not been with my in-laws who are retired and at home with him a lot, we may have never known how bad his seizures were getting since we are both at work all day and they happen at random.
The day we had to say our final goodbyes was unexpected. Though we knew his health was declining, the seizures were under control –until they weren’t. He suffered a seizure at the veterinarian’s office and then five more overnight/that morning. I had never witnessed one until that morning. When it started, I was so scared to see him that way, but I forced myself to watch through tears because though it was heartbreaking, watching him like that made me realize that the most selfless thing we could do was to let him be in peace, even if that meant being without him. We didn’t want him to suffer anymore.
I didn’t intend to be in the room with him when it happened. I thought it was something I simply wouldn’t be able to cope with, especially given my anxiety. But I had an inner dialogue with myself and thought…I would never leave a human to die alone…so I needed to be there for his last moments. He needs to know he was loved and be in our presence as he took those final breaths. I understand this is a very personal decision and I respect whatever someone chooses – this is just what felt right for me. I was his mommy and I needed to be there regardless of the pain and heartbreak – I owed that to him for the years of happiness he brought to our family. I gave him one last kiss on his head and continued to stroke his sweet fur even as his heart stopped beating.
Lulu was with me for the most defining moments of my life…during my later college years, spending a summer living in Florida, moving to Houston and watching our family grow here. I will forever be grateful for him.
We miss you so much, Lulu.
You and your family were so good to him, and I am sure he knew he was loved. So sorry for your loss, pets truly do become family.
I’m so sorry:( I remember seeing our family dog suffer from seizures near the end of his life and it is so heartbreaking. It was clear how much you loved your sweet pup!
I am so sorry for your loss. I cried while reading this. I am sure this was not an easy process. Find comfort in knowing he loved you and he knew you loved him.
I am so sorry for your loss. We have a Lulu as well (English setter) and she is our fur baby. I teared up reading this. Know that you did the very best thing for him and he is at peace.
Do not feel guilty! You made sure he had the very best home for him and his needs to live a comfortable life.
All the best.
I am so sorry Veronika. We went through the same thing 3 weeks ago and you are so right that you have to separate your own feelings and take into consideration their quality of life and suffering. It’s been a tough time for us, but we just take it one day at a time and eventually the pain gets better and the memories get brighter.
I’m so sorry for your loss Danielle 🙁 thanks for commenting
Veronika, I am so very sorry for your loss. A pet is a member of your family. Don’t ever feel guilty for having LuLu live at your inlaws. You did the right thing. Take care. Norma
Thank you so much for your comment. I knew we were doing the right thing, but it was hard to share because it’s not something I ever thought we would have to do. I appreciate your support.
I’m so so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. In August, my husband and I had to make a similar decision with our 18 year old Chihuahua. It too was unexpected. Hugs to you in you time of need. May he rest in peace <3
So, so sorry Veronika. You made the best decisions you could for your entire family, Lulu included. I wish you felt comfortable talking about Lulu living with your inlaws, but I totally understand why couldn’t, even though it’s obvious it was the right decision. People can be so nasty and judgmental.
I’m glad you were able to be with your mom during those last moments. I’m sure your presence was such a comfort to him.
It’s so terrible our pets give us so much love and are only with us for a short while. Sending prayers & comfort your way.
Thank you so much Kylie. At the time, it was such an emotional decision and I knew I couldn’t cope with the negative comments, so I just didn’t say anything. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have worried so much about the feedback I would get, but hindsight is 20/20. Thank you for your comment <3
Big big hugs Veronika! He had a wonderful life. He was blessed you were his and vice versa. Praying your heart heals from the loss.
We went through something very similar with our dog a couple of years ago. It was so hard to see the seizures and watch him suffering. I still miss him today. So sorry for your loss, you guys gave Lulu the best life!
So sorry for your loss 🙁 Losing a pet is the hardest thing ever as they are part of our family. We just said goodbye to our cat about 6 weeks ago so I can absolutely relate to your feelings. Your post brought tears to my eyes,
Oh, I’m sorry for your loss. We had a similar situation a couple of years ago when our small dog had to go live with my parents because she was not kid-friendly once our baby started crawling and she was having frequent accidents. I called it her “retirement community” and I was so grateful my mom and Dad gave her a comfortable home at the end of her life, but we also missed her. Don’t feel guilty—it was the best option for her, and you made the decision out of love. I’m glad you were able to be with her in her final moments.
My heart is so broken for you & your family. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and sadness of losing someone who just constantly gives you unconditional love and joy. You were a good mamma to Lulu and his love will be with you forever. I wish I had wise words that would help, but his memories will bring you tons of smiles and giggles forever, which is an amazing gift that only those who have had had dogs in their lives will know.
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Veronika, I appreciate you sharing Lulu’s story. I am so sorry to hear about Lulu. He seemed like such a sweetie. I hope you can find peace and comfort during this difficult time. We also had to say goodbye to our beloved pup three years ago, which I also thought was a tough but necessary decision, and it still hurts even though we have another beloved pup. I can really empathize with your experiences. Sending you lots of hugs. <3
Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss alo 🙁 I don’t think we will have another pet for quite some time. It’s really hard 🙁
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have always loved seeing Lulu in your posts. Having a pet is so hard especially with young kids. You did an amazing thing taking care of his needs the way you did and being with him at the end. I don’t look forward to the day we have to do this with our maltipoo xoxo
Thank you Meghan <3