I’ve seen so many of my fellow bloggers address kids and screen time lately and I’ve been asked about it a lot in my Instagram DMs. So, I thought it would be a good time to share my thoughts on the topic! As a preface to this post, I think all families can and should do what works for their children and family life, and this is just our approach/philosophy, which is not right or wrong, just what feels right for us.
Our kids, like most, love shows and movies. They watch shows (current fave is Paw Patrol) and movies every week. On Sunday mornings after breakfast if we don’t have any plans, we usually watch some shows or a movie together. Sometimes if we’re all feeling exhausted after school and work and just need to chill, we watch a couple of episodes of Paw Patrol or Elena of Avalor (usually the kids play with their toys before bath and bedtime). Our philosophy has always been to make TV/movies/shows an activity we do together – we don’t have the TV on for background noise.
Last weekend, we watched a Disney movie together after our Sunday morning breakfast. Sometimes, when we need quiet time and the kids won’t nap or when they’ve spent hours playing and just need to chill, we put on a show or movie and we’re totally OK with it!
One thing we’ve felt strongly about are iPads. We have two iPads, but we don’t bring them with us anywhere – we basically only use them on airplanes. There was a time where we did let the kids watch YouTube kids on the iPad (in our presence), but there was one time where a Peppa Pig Video suddenly had an inappropriate scene and I realized it was something that had slipped past the filters. Then, I watched this TED Talk and read this NYT article and decided there wouldn’t be YouTube anymore. Our kids have seen the “baby shark,” “finger family,” and “surprise egg” videos and I think too much YouTube impacts behavior and we just aren’t into it and don’t find value in most of the content.
We do like Blippi and Cosmic Kids Yoga – but we just got the Blippi app on our TV and watch it that way. Since our kids don’t have iPads, we don’t do any apps or games really. When they were both younger, we sometimes used the peekaboo barn and shapes app, but we don’t do any now.
I actually love the idea of apps and games kids can play that encourage learning – but I know Harper has computer lab at school where she gets to play learning games, so I don’t think we also need to use them at home. The kids have so many toys and crafting supplies, so I’d rather they engage with those things right now, since it seems like the older they get, the more and more time they spend on screens.
We’ve noticed that if we ever have the TV on during meal times (like Sunday morning breakfast, for example), the kids get really distracted by it, so we try to avoid TV while we’re actively eating (though sometimes we do leave it on – never at dinner time though).
We eat out quite a bit (usually on Friday night and on weekends) and it was important to us that our kids learn that eating out is a special family treat and not a time to watch a movie or play a game. I totally get why parents do it – the temptation of a peaceful meal is a worthy one, absolutely! We’ve always worried that if we offered it once or in response to a tantrum, it would be an issue every time we ate out, so we never even entertained it as a possibility.
Our kids are well-behaved most of the time when we go out for lunch or dinner – they actually love the menus that come with crayons and they both color as we wait for our food. Last weekend, we ate at P.F. Chang’s and tried to teach the kids to use chopsticks, practicing picking things up as we waited for our food to come. When they were younger (it doesn’t happen often now that they’re 3 and 5) if either child had a tantrum while we were at a restaurant, our approach was that one parent would take the child outside to calm down before heading back inside. Obviously this only happened when it was a major tantrum that was disruptive to others around us (and not a quick fuss), but it has been effective. They can get their emotions out without everyone staring and they can learn that we don’t get to go back inside until they’ve calmed down. I’d love to know how y’all deal with situations that arise when you’re eating out as a family!
The other part of the screen time equation is us, as parents. We’ve definitely struggled with being on our phones and always being available. Kevin sometimes answers work emails during non-working hours and I use social media a lot personally and for my blog. It’s definitely an area we’re trying to improve in to model good behavior. I’ve read a few articles with ideas like putting your phone in a location where it’s not right next to you or muting your notifications during a certain time window so you don’t feel the need to check your phone. In today’s world, we’ve all become accustomed to being available, connected and having all of the information we need at our fingertips – it can be exhausting! Definitely something to continue to work on this year.
I’d love to know more about screen time rules and philosophies in your families – please leave a comment! And remember, we’re all just doing what we feel is best for our families – whether you don’t watch TV at all or let your child use an iPad everyday – I support your choices!
*Photos by Olive Shoot Photography
We don’t do any screen time on school nights. Makes it so much easier. From Sunday at dinner to Friday there is no screen time. Then on Friday afternoons we allow her to watch tv. She knows it’s a treat and once we started, we saw no reason to stop.
My kids are older (11 and 7) and I only allowed them 20 minutes of ipad time at night, I set a timer and when it’s time up, they need to turn off their ipad. We also don’t watch any TV during meals, it gets too distracting for the kids. And I agree watching with parent presence, it’s important to know the content they are watching. Thank you for bringing this topic up!
Thanks for your comment Effie! I honestly worry a lot about the information kids now have access to at such a young age – I didn’t grow up with internet access (I think I was in 7th grade the first time I used it) and even though we don’t allow it at home, you never know what they may encounter outside of the home, even if they don’t have their own device.
It’s going to be a challenging thing to navigate as they get older and want cell phones, etc.
I absolutely agree with you for the most part, and i’m a strong believer of NOT entertaining kids at all time, especially when we are out and about. Conversations, verbal games, tic tac toe…..there ate many other ways we could get them engaged and involved. Again, I understand why people do that and that’s their decision, but to me, I simply don’t want go down that path when the family walk into a restaurant and sit down, immediately everyone take out their phone or ipads and never say a word to each other…just not our choice.
I have to tell this story because it’s very relevant and I will never forget it, when my daughter was 4, we took a trip to Maine with one of my best friends and her 10-year-old son, we went on a whale watching tour one day and everyone was so excited about seeing whales. The boy was staring at his ipad the whole time and he missed the whales….my daughter wanted to watch with him of course, but I pulled her aside and told her no, that’d not be our choice, to be able to see whales in their habitat was such a privilege and we shouldn’t waste the opportunity.
No TV during any meal is another firm rule in our house, because dinner is the only meal we eat together as a family, we like to talk about the day, laugh at each others jokes…
Electronics do make parenting easier in a way, but the challenges that come with, in my opinion, are even bigger than most people would think.
Thank you for the topic!
I love your comment about the whale watching – how sad when we are so absorbed in our devices, that we don’t see what is around us.
I will say – the one thing I do not regret is using my phone to capture videos of my kids. They love to re-watch their baby videos and cute moments and I so cherish that I have those memories recorded in that way. It is so easy to forget.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
We have the same philosophy on devices in public. It is so tempting when they are acting up, but I want to teach them patience and manners and how to engage in conversation. Where better can they learn these skills? My fear with iPads is that the second they aren’t being entertained, they will think it’s normal to turn to a device instead of using their imagination, coming up with games, talking with us about their day, etc.
I have the same fears – even I am guilty of checking my phone when I’m in line at the store checkout, in the elevator, etc. I think we as a society are always wanting to DO and that makes it so much harder to get off of our phones. Our phones make us able to stay connected, which is great, but they also constantly draw us to check for updates. They are designed to be addictive. I don’t have all of the right answers – but I do agree with you – I don’t want my kids to always feel they need to be entertained. Even when we drive to school or to go to the store, I know some parents give their kids iPads even for short car rides and I just can’t bring myself to do it – it’s a slippery slope. Will they scream/have a fit/expect the iPad every time if we allow it a few times? My guess is yes, so we just don’t do it. We talk, sing songs, play games, etc, when we drive.
Love this. I am going to watch that Ted talk this weekend. We don’t have any screen time during the week. Our kids play board games, do crafts, etc. On the weekend (mostly Sundays)…. we watch a movie as a family or they get some IPAD time. My daughter and son both watch some educational stuff on YouTube which can be great…. but I am terrified of what else might “pop up”. Not ever using it during the week- helps to set boundaries. I too have a simliar philosophy on eating out and we NEVER have the TV on during meals or when the kids are awake. It is a tough balance though and I love your approach! 🙂
Thank you for sharing! My kids are a bit older, so I’ve had to make some adjustments. For example, my second grader is in an advanced math group at school and they supplement her homework with an app. My son is about to turn twelve (I can’t even with that by the way) and is starting to want more independence and time with his friends. He doesn’t have his own phone yet, but wants a way to communicate with his friends. At his age, I would have called my friends on a home phone, and wasn’t overly restricted in my ability to do so. All the parents in this group let the kids download a texting app. The texts remain in a history and while we respect his privacy, he knows we can access it if we want. When he does get a phone, he’ll have to hand it to us before bed and he won’t be able to download even a free app without a password. Essentially we want many of the bells and whistles off, and for the phone to be primarily a communication device. It’s definitely hard to enforce balance as they grow but it sounds like you’re laying a good foundation. How do you envision handling the tween and teen years?
Hi Katie- thanks for sharing! Honestly, I don’t know. I feel so much can change by the time my kids are teens. It could be for better or for worse (I fear the latter). I have a lot of worries about what kids have access to. I hope to keep them busy enough that they. don’t have as much time to be online (ha). Have a great day!
No tv during the school week for us either. Sometimes we do a family movie night on fridays. My 5 year old can choose something for us all to watch together or something she wants to watch. On weekends we let her watch in the morning before we go out and again in the evening. She can watch a few shows we dvr or a few on the approved list (she knows the rule is that we try new shows together when she’s interested in something). Otherwise we spend time playing music, reading, playing games with her and letting her play solo. She loves spending time outside, which thankfully we can do often in our mild climate. We do take her kindle fire out with us sometimes but we don’t allow her to watch while eating. She may watch while waiting or after eating when we want to have an adult conversation. She likes to play hand games, tic tac toe and hangman with us at restaurants while we wait. She’s happy playing games that involve her cooking or choosing hairstyles over watching videos. I used to let her watch YouTube kids on my old phone and couldnt stand how addicted she was to watching other kids play and do things that she could be doing so I took the app off my phone and stopped allowing her to watch it.