I hope you had a great week so far! I had a four day work week this week and it was so wonderful to have several days off in a row for the July 4th holiday. It definitely left me feeling re-energized, but I’m going to start this post on a heavier note before I get into the fun stuff.
THOUGHTS & FEELINGS
We are still at home…all the time. I know many families have gone back to visiting with friends, sports activities, travel and more, but those are risks our family has decided not to take. At the same time, I often wonder if the caution we’ve taken will have been “all for nothing” if schools reopen for in-person learning, which will inevitably cause infection rates to skyrocket, especially since they’re already so high here in Houston.
It’s a very troubling to think that after staying home since March and being much more conservative than many (not perfect, but strict), we will likely all become sick anyway. In one sense, I wonder if we should have been a little less conservative and in another I’m resentful that more weren’t as conservative so it wouldn’t have gotten so bad in the first place.
I have a lot of mixed feelings because I recognize on a very deep level that we all have to make choices that feel right for our families. I share my thoughts not to cast judgment, but because I want to be honest about how I’m feeling and not try to hide that I feel extremely conflicted and saddened by all of this.
Yes, there are so many silver linings to this time and we are SO incredibly privileged, but I can’t help but also feel a level of sadness. We cancelled our summer vacation, haven’t seen our friends in months and rarely leave our home – and yet, at this time next month, we will likely be infected with COVID-19 because we cannot control the spread in schools since so many families take different levels of precaution. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel resentful that we did our part and will probably end up sick anyway.
I know many feel COVID-19 is not a serious illness – but there are a lot of unknowns – will you be one of the lucky ones with minor symptoms or none at all – or will you end up in the ICU or worse? There is simply no way to know. We also don’t know much about longterm health outcomes and the residual repercussions of becoming infected. The unknowns are frightening and I feel justified in feeling scared.
On the other hand, there is some evidence that children aren’t as affected, are often asymptomatic, etc. There is also evidence that kids need to be in school for their emotional health and learning and that is important to consider too. I think because I live in an area where cases are climbing daily, my perspective is shaped by that. I can see how someone living in an area without a lot of cases has a totally different perspective and thought process.
I know many of you feel the same way based on the direct messages you’ve been sending me – know that you’re not alone in those feelings. When you sacrifice so much and see others enjoying travel and socializing when you’ve made different choices, it can make you question if you’re doing the right thing. I have questioned myself 1000 times – wondering if I “ruined” our summer by cancelling our trip and not taking the kids to any public places (meanwhile, our kids are so happy to be home, and tell us often).
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Writing helps me clear my head. If your family makes different choices, please know I’m just venting my frustrations at the helplessness I feel that nothing our family did over the last few months mattered because we will likely get sick if schools reopen, with how high the cases are here in Houston.
I think one of the reasons I’ve been so focused on house-related projects over the last few months is because it’s one of the only things that distracts me from the anxiety I feel over all of this. I feel like I’m ordering things constantly (art, draperies, furniture, home accents, rugs, lamps) to finish our home because I need the distraction all of these projects provide. I even have vintage dressers coming from Florida that I’m refinishing myself…that’s not a project I’d usually take on in “normal times,” but I truly need this right now.
These projects have been my coping mechanism – channeling my energy into creating, building and making has meant I don’t worry about all of the unknowns all the time. It’s the same reason I decided to binge-watch Grey’s Anatomy, starting with season 8. I need the distraction so I don’t think about what’s going on in the world right now all the time. And this doesn’t even touch on all of the social justice issues also dominating my thoughts at this time. I’ll save those reflections for another post (I did just finish reading So You Want to Talk About Race last week).
THE DOLLHOUSE CHRONICLES
Many of you have been following our dollhouse journey. This project is not one for someone who lacks patience (LOL, me) but somehow, some way I built that damn dollhouse and I’m proud. I had a dollhouse similar to this one as a child and I remember building it (with my father). I was about 12, so definitely a little bit on the older side, but I was a late bloomer and loved it! This build was rage-inducing at times, but I’m so glad we’re at the finish line. The fun part (decorating the inside!) is just around the corner. I shingled the roof last weekend and our next step will be to paint the exterior. You can follow our dollhouse adventures, here.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
I finally purchased the Kelly Wearstler lamp during Studio McGee’s 20% off lighting sale. I recently blogged about home splurges that are worth it and I’ve never really splurged on a lamp before so it was time! 
I adore this French blue cutting board I got on sale last week at Caitlin Wilson. There is also a matching cookbook stand. This entryway or power room rug is on my wishlist!
I also got these Colefax and Fowler Bowood pillows recently – love the sweet pattern! Next on my wish list are pillows in this gorgeous Lisa Fine fabric.
SCALLOPED SWIMSUIT
I adore this two-piece scalloped swimsuit – it fits great (wearing a medium – fits like a small). This sun hat is fantastic because you can wear it with a pony tail or topknot! It also has an adorable bow at the back with a velcro closure so it’s adjustable. Shop the flamingo here. I also got this rash guard swimsuit this week and will report back soon. PS- my favorite leggings are back in stock in a ton of colors – I wear a small and they’re truly amazing.
SO MANY THOUGHTS
I pre-ordered Elizabeth Holme’s book So Many Thoughts on Royal Style and also got part two of The Royal We(one of my fave books ever) called The Heir Affair on audible. I’m going to start listening to it soon – without a commute, it will take me longer but I can’t wait for this second book! 
THOU SHALT OWN MANY VACUUMS
My love of vacuums has reached new heights with the purchase of a fourth vacuum. When Young House Love raved about this vacuum recently, I was all #addtocart. Let me tell you a gross story to give some context first. I find hair everywhere but especially in our bathroom. I’ve always said to myself “I wish had a tiny vacuum for small daily things like dust bunnies on stairs and hair everywhere.” Ask and you shall receive. This vacuum is freaking awesome and so small/slim. It’s perfect for little messes, hair, dust bunnies, etc. I cannot stand having hair on my tile and this does the job quickly and efficiently without having to get the whole large vacuum out. It’s also great for cars, hard to get to areas, baseboards, etc. Basically, yes, you do need a tiny slim vacuum. Trust.
Have a great weekend!
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the pandemic. I feel the same way and I know many others do as well. There is an option if you are open to it – homeschooling your children for the next year. That’s what we’re going to do. it won’t be easy and it’s not our first choice, but we are privileged to be able to have both of us at home and able to manage it. It will provide our family another year of protection. Schools are vital to our society, but I know our kids in particular will be ok if they have to stay home for a year, and their physical health (and ours, and our parents”) will be protected.
Most families, my own included, do not have the option to homeschool. I’m glad you’re able to do that for your family! 🙂
Stay safe. I live in Western New York which was hard hit. Even though things are better, we still live in constant fear. After months of using instacart, I finally ventured out to the grocery store.; I was scared the entire time. It is so upsetting to see people going out, enjoying life, and having play dates while my family stays home, isolated. All we can do is hang in there.
Thank you for this post. It beautifully summarized how I feel as well. My family has taken very few risks and we are home just like yourself most of the time.
As a teacher that is planning to return in the fall, I understand and value the importance of in person learning and know how critical it is to all of our children BUT at what cost? We still know very little about this disease and the studies that are just now starting to emerge about long term health complications are startling and scary. I am worried for all of my students, families and colleagues, I do. It want to rush into school just because we should and undo all of the HARD work that your family, my family and thousands of other have done to try to control the spread of this disease.
That’s a very long way of saying thank you for your thoughts and thank you for always approaching every topic in a thoughtful and educated manner.
Hi,
Homeschooling is a awesome choice and so easily done in Texas. It is also wonderful to educate your kiddos at home when they are young. You can customize their curriculum for them. You get to go at their own pace and let them explore what interests them much more than a strict classroom setting. And, the family time is something that you can never get back when they get older.
Given the current situation I would encourage you to at least explore the idea. You may be delighted at what you find out.
P.S. I have three children that I have homeschooled. Two are straight A Juniors in college now. One is in 10th grade this coming year and thriving.
I’m very happy for your Stacey but my husband and I both have full time jobs!I also personally have no desire to homeschool. I’m glad you had a wonderful experience and had the privilege to make that choice for your family.
I understand. We are in South Florida and our public schools just announced that the students will be starting school virtually in August. I know that it is for the safety of the kiddos. I also know that it puts a strain on those parents that need to work to support their families. I think that there is no perfect answer. 🙁
There definitely isn’t a perfect answer. I think at this point, we just all have to accept that we will get this virus. There really seems to be no other way around it with a vaccine so far away. Perhaps immune compromised and older people will have to continue to stay home and younger/healthier people will have to become infected to create herd immunity. I think that is the only way, but it also scares me.
Love this post! I, too, am very unsettled by going back to work (I’m a school counselor). I don’t think that you achieve herd immunity until you reach 70% of the population having been infected (that’s more than 200 million people), which is a huge number. Also, unlike measles and chicken pox, it appears that people may not have lasting immunity to Covid-19. I’m an elementary school counselor and I cover the clinic when the nurse is at the other elementary school; I’ve decided to purchase scrubs for my back-to-school gear. While I’m a licensed teacher, counselor and mom of four kids, I am NOT a nurse. I am feeling quite anxious about missing a warning sign of Covid-19 in one of my students – obviously I can take temperatures and call home immediately, but, unlike our nurse, I’ve never run a code in a hospital on a non-breathing child or person and I don’t know all of the minute warning signs of various diseases. I implore ALL parents to make sure that they IMMEDIATELY and ACCURATELY fill out their child’s emergency medical forms – if you choose to send your child to school, have the forms ready beforehand or by the very first day of school. Please inform those secondary contacts that you’ve listed them and have current phone numbers (and secondary numbers) for all listed. Also, please answer your phone! Previously, I’ve called parents of acutely ill children and they don’t answer or return my phone calls – I’ve had to call Child Protective Services because a child had a spiking fever and I couldn’t reach a parent or guardian for hours. While we did a great job of flattening the curve here in Ohio, our numbers are rapidly climbing now that we’ve opened back up. Who knows what the numbers will look like by the end of August in Ohio or in our country. I want to share someone who has helped me immensely during this time; I was reading The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary (Oprah says she’s the best expert on parenting she’s ever interviewed) and began watching her “Viral Wisdom” segments (all on YouTube and her Facebook page) and meditating with her on her Superpowered Group – all of this is free. I cannot tell you how much more balanced I am in regard to this Covid-19 and life in general – I am learning to “live in the now.” I highly recommend investing your time in her free teachings – I have been to countless workshops and read tons of books and, in my opinion, there isn’t anyone else like her – she’s simply brilliant! Good luck to all!
Has your school board already announced their back to school plans? We had to fill out a survey and we selected “in school 100% of the week” but it doesn’t sound like this option will necessarily be available due to the high case count in our area, and our kids will likely start out virtual or with some type of hybrid. I’m curious what other areas are doing since there’s so much uncertainty around this topic! My son is starting kindergarten this year and I’m already sad that this school year is not shaping up to be a typical kinder experience for him.
I believe we will know more next week
More insightful reflections on life and the pandemic. Here in Northern Virginia, our students have two options: returning to school two days a week and then studying on their own at home two days; or participating in four days of online school, part of which will be teacher-led. Mondays are being reserved for teacher work days. Many details have not been communicated to parents yet. Neither are great arrangements, and I don’t know how parents who must work outside of the house full-time will manage. It seems safer than full-time school, but still worrisome and uncertain. This is such an unsettling period for our country and the world. Lots to be concerned about, but grateful, too. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts–I think many think and feel the same way. And, thank you for the work you do with medical professionals. We sure need them now more than ever. Take care.
Thanks for such a kind and thoughtful comment
You are privileged to have both you and your husband able to work from home! My hubby is an essential worker and I have been nervous.
I agree! I think it’s a huge privilege, which is why I’m sure to acknowledge that. So thankful for all of our essential workers.
I absolutely agree with everything you wrote and it’s satisfying to hear that others feel the same way and have been acting responsibly. Our kids attend private school and we still don’t know what our options are in the fall. However being that I’m a SAHM I’m considering homeschooling even though I have no desire to do so. I feel that may be our best option for next year.
This post perfectly describes my feelings. I too have been home with my husband and oldest daughter (who is taking this year off college because she is afraid to go back). I haven’t seen my oldest daughter and eight-month-old grandson, or my elderly parents since early March. I am high-risk and so is my youngest, so we’ve decided to stay home and use Instacart. I live in Dade County and I am incensed when I see/hear of people attending “house parties” (where people rent homes and there is a charge to enter). These are very popular down here, especially since the clubs have been closed. Extended families are hosting get togethers for birthdays even though some members go out and do not practice social distancing. We are in free fall with daily case numbers in the five digits. I now personally know people who are sick with covid-19. Two elderly relatives were sent home from hospitals because they weren’t “sick enough” to warrant a bed, even though they could not catch their breath. A family we know decided going on vacation was an acceptable risk. One of them felt ill shortly after they returned. All five tested positive. Think of how many people they exposed on the plane!
Yet, schools will be opening in a month. It’s a shame you can’t homeschool; your daughter seems like the sort of child who would benefit from it. From what I can see, she’s creative and very intelligent and motivated to learn. And don’t think you’ve made sacrifices for nothing; the longer you wait, the more time experts have to come up with better treatments, if not a vaccine.
Yes. To everything you said. And thank you for continuing to comment on this. Many bloggers that I follow seem to be pretending that nothing has changed (or they’ll make small, silly comments about being home with the kids all day)– nothing that really scratches the surface. I get that they’re probably trying to avoid anything that seems political or rocks the boat. But c’mon. I find I really appreciate when bloggers take a risk, speak their truth and put the hard stuff on the page. I understand how difficult this must be, but as a reader, it’s nice to see the authenticity. Thank you, and keep writing about the hard stuff.
I am right there with you. I keep thinking, ‘what’s the point?’ in being super careful when others are going about life as if we aren’t in the middle of a global pandemic. Some people are actually throwing parties to intentionally get infected!! Like, what is wrong with you people?!? Cases in my state are higher than ever before and I honestly see no end in sight. Other countries were about to control the spread within a couple months and we all look like a bunch of morons. It’s truly embarrassing.
Hi Veronika,
There is no good solution to any of this and I’ve felt extremely sad, frustrated, and anxious most of this time. My husband and I work in administration in long term care facilities and have been able to alternate working from home and being in the office throughout the last few months since we have kids at home – one toddler and one in third grade. Both my husband and I were very careful at work and we saw no one outside of work for months. In early June, my husband ended up getting Covid at work and I became infected, too. Lucky for us, we both had mild cases and our kids either did not get it or if they did, they showed no symptoms. Neither of us had cough or fever, just some body aches and loss of taste and smell. We did not have the kids tested because if they weren’t sick, we did not want to put them through it (we are tested weekly at work and the deep nasal swab is BRUTAL). We wore masks in the house and were so careful around the kids for weeks after.
Anyway, I felt like you did and just KNEW we were going to be sick and of course it happened. Not saying it will happen to you, just that I felt the exact same way! As far as residual effects of the virus, both my husband and I experienced some mild chest pain about a month after and chest X-rays showed lung inflammation, which we were able to treat with steroids. So odd we both had the same symptoms!
I hope you and your family all remain okay! I will definitely be sending my daughter to school in the fall if given the option, but I have a different perspective now that it’s already hit our home. We also live in NJ and have seen a consistent decline in cases lately, which is encouraging. I cannot home school with working FT, nor do I want to. It isn’t a suitable option for my family.
Big HUGS!